What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all About???

Quick Update

2009-04-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well, this blog hasn't really served a noticeable purpose in my life for a while since most people I stay in touch with have contacted me via email/Facebook/other means (oh yes...the phone!) but I just wanted to write a very quick update in case there are people out there who still follow this blog :)

1) Work-wise: I currently am volunteering/guest instructing for Bridges to Understanding and working full time at the University of Washington Medical Center's department of Organizational Development and Training. Our team helps do small-group consulting/team-building projects and larger continuing education projects (in the "soft-skills" category - leadership development/customer service) for all staff at the UWMC. It's a fast-paced, exciting work environment and I really enjoy being able to apply lessons I've learned from my past education/psychology experiences. I'm also taking a Training Specialist Certificate program which has helped me think about how adults learn in a broader context.

2) Dance-wise: last fall I started teaching Introduction to Lindy Hop with legendary Seattle instructor Chris Chapman at HepCat Productions, www.SeattleSwing.Com. You can check our class offerings out at the website, and there's a neat little bio here. Teaching has been fascinating on so many levels...I've realized that in the very beginning stages, the process of learning dance is very similar to learning a language (but in addition to linguistic intelligence you have to add musical and kinesthetic to the mix!). Really, though, partner dancing is essentially nonverbal communication (set to music) and the best way to learn any form of communication is to immerse oneself in it. I've thoroughly enjoyed teaching from a social, kinesthetic and musical perspective and I hope to expand to teaching children (especially those from a lower socioeconomic background for whom dance is generally a luxury). I've also done some performing and video-taping of local social dancing/events in the Seattle area, accessible on my youtube site.

3) Other: I'm still playing indoor soccer with Arena Sports; I organized a team made mostly from members of the Seattle Anti-Freeze group, which seeks to welcome people into the Seattle area (and get rid of the notion that there is a "Seattle Freeze" where people are only superficially nice). It's been a fun way to meet people I normally wouldn't come into contact with otherwise!

I'm also delving more into the realm of photography (see my flickr site here) since I acquired my first digital SLR camera last December. I've figured out a few of the settings but am looking forward to graduating to manual one of these days!

Other than that, I've been doing a few other professional/personal development activities and mostly spending time with friends/family and continuing to explore Seattle. I moved away from cap hill last summer and am enjoying the Greenlake neighborhood and spending more time in the U district. I'm likely going to start volunteering once my Training Specialist program is over and am excited to see what the future holds :) Ciao for now!

Bridges to Understanding International Students visit Seattle - Tibetan, South African and Seattle fun!

2008-04-07T17:58:00.001-07:00

Photo taken by Bridges mentor and teacher Carrie Darrow

http://bridges2understandingstudent.blogspot.com/

Above is a link to a blog I've been working on with the amazing KT Lhamo (from India, the Tibetan Children's Village) and Sese (from South Africa). They're here for 3 weeks as part of the Bridges to Understanding Face to Face exchange, and last weekend we had a great time creating 6 digital stories with a group of 12 international students! You can see Sese and KT's story at the blog linked above. More to come, I just had to post this now!

Happy Holidays, Everybody!

2007-12-21T16:55:00.003-08:00

Here's a vintage pic of my dad and aunt :) I love everyone's expressions here. Happy holidays to all!

"The World at your Fingertips"

2007-11-07T15:34:00.001-08:00

"The World at your Fingertips", originally uploaded by realcherylcrow.

Hey all - Check out my India set on Flickr.com! http://www.flickr.com/photos/33346717@N00/sets/72157602815985574/

Safe and Sound in Dharamsala

2007-10-19T03:39:00.000-07:00

Hello friends and family! I'm going to write a long, well thought-out post sometime soon but for now I just wanted to post a pic of myself and a classroom here at the Tibetan Children's Village in Dharamsala, India! I'm having a fantastic time helping teach and coordinate a digital storytelling workshop here. Right now the students are refining their narration and editing their images...I can't wait to post the link to the final movies! We're creating 3 digital stories this year: one about the garbage situation in Dharamsala and the TCV, another about how the students cook at the TCV, and another about a student from last year who was so inspired by our trip to interview some hermits that she has gone up on her own and created her own story throughout the last year.

More soon...love to all!

Hanging on to summer....

2007-09-23T11:35:00.001-07:00

Airtime Baby Yeah_final, originally uploaded by realcherylcrow.

There is so much I could write here, but I just thought I'd post one picture that really captures the summer for me. Ajay S took this picture at Capital Hill's Volunteer Park, where I spent many late-afternoons taking short jogs and people-watching this summer. Pictured are myself and Kate Casolaro, one of my dearest friends who visited me over Labor Day all the way from Boston!

Yesterday was technically the last day of summer, but I'd like to hang on to the carefree summer spirit a little longer, and I hope by posting this picture I can make at least someone smile and feel that sticky popsicle chin, laying in the grass looking at the clouds, sleeping in on a Saturday morning once again :)

I worked harder than I've ever worked this summer, but I definitely did my share of playing as well. I slept under a tent not once but TWICE (to the San Juans as well as the Olympic Rainforest), watched 3 of my best friends say their wedding vows and dance their first dances, did my fair share of swing dancing (as always!), joined a couple soccer teams for the first time in far too long, and spent some quality time with my immediate family and our new addition: Michelle and Kevin's black lab puppy!

I'm looking forward to the fall, where I'll be going to India once again with Bridges (www.bridgesweb.org), and will continue to work arduously on expanding our program in the best way possible for all involved. I hope to write some more detailed entries soon, but this is it for now. Love to all!

Visual Update

2007-07-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

Man, I really haven't used this blog effectively as an update on my life, thoughts, etc for a while...I thought I'd catch up today by linking to my Flickr photo account and pasting a few notable pics here. For pics of my recent Emerald City Swing dance performance, see this page.

In short, life is very good in Seattle right now! Work is really coming together - at Bridges, we're revamping our website, redesigning curriculum with a focus on Global Warming for the 07-08 school year, and I'm just continuing to learn a ton and enjoy my coworkers. My dance team had a performance in mid-June that got rave reviews (mostly our all-objective friends and family, of course)...I really enjoyed working as a team and was reminded quite often of sports teams, especially when everything came together at the very end for the "big match," or performance! Speaking of sports, I've joined 2 local co-ed soccer teams for the summer and am subbing on a few more, which has just been incredibly satisfying after a brief soccer hiatus.

pictured is my coworker Tania on a recent sailing trip we took at Bridges for staff bonding

In May, I was lucky enough to witness both my siblings' graduation ceremonies - Brian graduated from NYU Law and Michelle got her Bachelor's from Whitworth College. I really loved seeing Brian's apartment in Brooklyn, and I'm so psyched that Michelle is now living in Seattle! She and Kevin are going to get a puppy in August, I can't wait to see it.

pictured are Shelly and Kev at her graduation ceremony! see my Flickr for pics of Brian as well

This summer, I'm looking forward to spending time outside with friends, seeing 3 of my best friends get married, and helping organize a big swing dancing event in seattle called the Seattle Lindy Exchange. We're having a huge dance on Saturday, August 4th at the Naval Armory on Lake Union - you should come!

Well, this is the whirlwind update on my life as of now...I hope to post more regularly. I've been thinking more about my future goals, etc and hope to have some updates on decisions soon. Cheers!

pictured is my friend Danae and I at the Century Ballroom during a weekly Sunday night dance...photo credit goes to the illustrious Ajay Salpekar :)

Break-up Lessons Learned: #1-5

2007-04-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been chatting with a few friends about relationships, break-ups, etc and decided to go through my old emails and experiences and organize all the stuff I've learned over time because it really is helpful to apply lessons from the past to current situations. So, I went through somd old emails and came up with these first 5 Break-Up lessons learned...I hope they're helpful (or at least entertaining)!

1) Breaking up does NOT necessarily delegitimize your relationship and it does NOT mean failure.

I think the biggest point of confusion or cognitive dissonance people experience near the end of the relationship is this feeling that a break up implies that there is something wrong with one or both partners or the relationship as a whole. While that can be the case, in general I prefer to think of a relationship as a choice you make that makes sense in your life at one point, and a break-up as a choice that makes sense in another point in your life...both choices are "good" ones, if that makes sense.

I think people just logically think that when a relationship is perpetuating then it is necessarily "good" and a break up is necessarily "bad" or means some sort of failure to make things work out. Really, though, a relationship is just an acknowledgment of a reality that exists and a decision to act upon that reality (say, ok, the reality is that right now we fit together super well) and when the reality changes (ok, we don't fit so well anymore) a breakup is just a logical response to that. Thinking that you've failed because you broke up is silly...a true failure would be a failure to acknowledge that the relationship no longer makes sense.

Additionally, a relationship is a complex entity springing from not only the individuals involved but environmental issues such as timing, place in life, logistics (location), etc, so often a break-up reflects more about those outer circumstances than anything about the individuals involved...just a thought.

2) When you break up with someone (ie the breakup is not a mutual thing), you have to let go of the idea that you can/should/will make that person happy (at least in the short run).

So often I've seen this with myself (on both sides of the spectrum) or others...you want to break up as romantic partners but still be incredibly close friends, which is a beautiful thought because it means you still care for the person and are not bitter. Yay! However, while I think friendship with an ex is ultimately very possible in many cases, for a short while the break-up-ee is going to feel badly, and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Seriously...admit to yourself that you will be the cause of someone's pain, and just swallow that, because it's true, and it doesn't mean you're a terrible person, it just means that interpersonal relationships are complicated and hard and that we will all at one time or another be on the giving and receiving ends of pain.

Oh man, with one of my exes I tried so hard to continue to be that light for him after our breakup, but it just confused the hell out of him...wait, you still love me, but you don't want to be together? To me it was so obvious: the romantic relationship part was over, but the friendship was still alive. For him, the two were indistinguishable, part of one beautiful, imperfect package. Ultimately, he had to say goodbye to the entire package in order to move on and be happy. The last time we spoke was a year and a half ago and, oh MAN i've had to suppress the urge to contact him so many times, but ultimately i've known it would be a selfish thing. Whenever he's ready, if that time occurs, he'll contact me. Until then, I have to assume he's happier without me in his life...ultimately, in this case I'm afraid I'm the one who's lost out, because we had a freaking amazing friendship. However, I don't regret what happened because we also had a beautiful relationship, and that's just the way things go sometimes...i have to get all Buddhist sometimes and remind myself of the impermanence of things.

3) It hurts not because it wasn't the right decision, but because break-ups always hurt in some way. Always! second guessing yourself will usually make it worse...it's natural for there to be a mourning period. Period.

4) Regarding a fear of being single post-breakup: Being single WILL be hard and lonely sometimes, but it's less stressful in many ways than trying to work things out in a relationship. I totally identify with peoples' fear of being single and i won't say it's a picnic all the time but overall the ups and downs are really no more when single than when you're in a relationship - there will be ups and downs both times, they're just very different. Study after study in psychology shows that regardless of life circumstance people basically settle back into their set point of happiness (once their basic needs are met; thi s has been shown with, for example, people who've won the lottery or had traumatic experiences - it's amazing how after a short time people settle back into baseline - see this article for explanationhttp://www.sciam.com/print_version.cfm?articleID=5B76E630-E7F2-99DF-3958811DF98CBC37). The grass is always greener on the other side, yadda yadda...you get the point.

5) The person you're breaking up with has a lot of great traits - of course, that's why you dated them in the first place! However, if you're not into it anymore, those traits shouldn't be used as justification to stay together. Many people have great traits - they're called your friends! You don't date everyone with great qualities, and thus reminding yourself of your boyfriend/girlfriend's great qualities is not always relevant when considering whether or not to break up.

Oh man, I've been in this place so many times before...it's tempting when you're considering breaking up with someone to point to the person's good qualities and say, "Man, but they're so (caring, smart, loving, a great partner, etc), maybe we should stay together." Again, as stated above, you don't date everyone with great qualities. Relationships are crazy complex entities created from a confluence of timing, circumstance, values, personality, age, experience, etc etc, and thus the breakup often has to do with those factors rather than personality stuff (this sort of relates to point #1). Additionally, sometimes it is a personality thing - perhaps what drew you to someone in the beginning doesn't draw you anymore...it doesn't mean those traits don't still matter, just that they're not what you are looking for romantically. This sort of gets to the delegitimizing question again - saying you want to break up doesn't delegitimize the other person's traits, it just means that beautiful package is not what you want right now.

Ok, that's it for now...more to come soon!

The power of photography

2007-02-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

www.taniawestby.com

Well, photography is powerful in many ways: it can evoke emotions that words simply can't express; it can change people's views on things like war and conflict; it can connect children across cultures; i could go on and on. However, there is one oft-overlooked facet of photography that I'd like to explore now:

It can make me pretty!

The picture at left was taken by my coworker and master photographer Tania Westby (www.taniawestby.com). I put it on my profile on a few social networking friends at the nudging of my friends, but I was hesitant to do so at first because i think it makes me look a lot better than I really look on a daily basis! However, now i've accepted that it's just fun to feel glamorous sometimes, and I'm proud of this picture.

I just can't believe that the picture at left represents the same person as the one on the below - i actually think that's a pretty good picture of me, but it's not nearly as evocative of a mood as the one on the left. But, it shows more how I look on a daily basis: hair back, not lots of make-up, etc. Anyway, it definitely hits home to me how just a little change in hairstyle/makeup but, more importantly, angle/expression can make you appear so different. In the age of facebook, myspace, and other social networking sites, the importance of one's "icon," that small picture that people will associate with your "profile," is at premium. When searching for one to embody Cheryl, i often get stuck between which side of me to portray; the silly laughing one? the serious studious one? the laid back one or the manic one? It's an interesting dilemma, and now, with Tania's help, I have another choice of the more glamorous shot!

One of my major goals this year is to get better at using my dad's nice dSLR so I can take cool portraits of my friends like the one Tania took. When she gave me the picture, she said, "You know, Cheryl, this is how I see you." That was so amazing to me, because I often see myself as that lovable dork, you know? But there is a different side of me to see, and I think it's so fantastic that she's able to show that not with words but with photography.

(dar! i can't figure out how to format this properly on my blog - apologies!)
I have been so into words my whole life, that I'm now really interested in photography as text (well, that is something i got into in college actually - thanks, Dr. Cohen! - but i'm really applying it in my professional life now with Bridges). I can't wait to see where this newfound love for photography takes me! My favorite pictures right now are ones that really show my friends' personalities; i'd like to get more into abstract stuff as well.

Below we have Adrienne and Jess goofing off at Bal Fest and then Brian, Anna (with new black hair!) and Adrienne laughing (my fave). Will post more soon! I feel as if i'm always rushing about these days...will have to slow down soon, but first, to bed with me!

Vicissitudes

2007-01-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided to honor the title of this blog ("Words are my Friends") and go back to my original idea of marrying each post to an overarching word/idea/concept. I've been keeping a little list of words I love (in the form of an email draft), and feel that "vicissitude" most accurately reflects what's been going on over, well, the past 25 years really, but I'll just limit the time frame to generally the 2 months since I last posted :)

On dictionary.com, i see that vicissitudes are: successive, alternating, or changing phases or conditions, as of life or fortune; ups and downs: They remained friends through the vicissitudes of 40 years.

Well, obviously anyone could characterize their life has having vicissitudes, but there are a few areas in which I've experienced change lately, including but not limited to: location (a new apartment with Anna!), work (Phil's new book is coming out; new office location at Getty Images building), dancing (joined a performance team), and, of course, the realm of thoughts and ideas (had a few epiphanies/interesting discoveries while searching sites such as aldaily.com and having great convos with friends). I'll cover these general topics below, with (I hope) some fun tangents/diversions along the way!

Location

While dealing with real estate for the first 5+ years of their marriage, my parents developed a love for driving around the different neighborhoods of Seattle and "house-watching." Now, people-watching has historically been a more preferable leusire activity for me, but that changed starting in January when Anna and I decided to move out of Seattle's Central District and into North Capitol Hill. We had a rough time finding an affortable 2br apartment in the prime area in between broadway and 15th and north of John/Olive, but we endedu up at a sweet place that I lovingly describe as "just northeast of the Dilletante Cafe" (a beloved Seattle Chocolaterie) and south of Volunteer Park (a gem of Seattle).

It's much smaller than our old apartment and definitely not as nice in terms of things like floors (no more hardwood!) and amenities (no more free laundry!), but the layout is actually better (it was designed to be duplex, as opposed to the other which was a 2 story house converted into a duplex), and the location is so much better that it we feel really great about the move (ooh, and we're saving money as well, and I have a garage to park in!). We are now on the 2nd floor and have windows all around so we can watch the people walking down and back to and from the hubub of Broadway, and I just can't wait for the summer when I'll be able to sit out on our tiny porch or take long walks to nearby parks. I've already developed a habit of jogging through the mossy, winding paths of Volunteer Park every weekend, where I see lots of young families and/or hipsters walking around. On my 5 block walk to the bus every morning, I really enjoy looking at the beautiful architecture of some of these old homes. In my estimation, north capitol hill is one of the most beautiful neighborhoods in Seattle in terms of interesting homes, yards, and people. Let me know if you want my new address and stop by to visit! Pics to come soon...

Work

Well, I might have already mentioned this, but I'm working a little over part time at both the UW Medical Center and Bridges these days. At Bridges, we were recently generously granted a new office space at the Getty Images building in Fremont, which is another of my favorite neighborhoods in Seattle. Plus, this summer, when I split my days, I'll be able to jog from one job on the Burke Gilman trail! I have to admit, there are days when I feel overwhelmed with working at both places and trying to maintain my already frenetic pace of social/dance/athletic life (which, of course, is totally self-imposed), but when I'm less overloaded I'm able to be really happy about my professional life.

If you want to know a bit more about Phil's vision when he created Bridges, you can check out this superb speech he gave at the TED conference last year: http://www.ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=p_borges Another exciting Phil development is that his newest book, Women Empowered (www.philborges.com/we/women-empowered.html ) is coming out on Monday, February 26th! The book documents the incredible work women have done in the developing world to rise out of their circumstances; I helped Phil write the stories of these women and the captions for all the photos as well as serving as a copy editor and statistic-generator! It was so fun to watch a book go through the conception stage to the final delivery stage; there were definitely some frustrating moments, but it feels good to see the book coming through now. I feel so lucky I got to be a part of this project, and it was just amazing to listen to tapes of these amazing women's stories.

At Bridges, we're continuing to try to harness the incredible, evocative potential of digital storytelling to help kids not only connect across cultures, but to do so in an education-oriented way. We're trying to embed ourselves more into the school system here in the northwest, with the hope that teachers can use the digital stories our kids have created in other countries as education tools. Then, ultimately, we aim to connect the kids directly to each other, so that if a child in Seattle is doing a report on, say, Egyptian pyramids, he/she can ask an Egyptian child questions and learn directly from them.

When I look around at a lot of the work done in the digital storytelling sphere today, much of it is oriented towards telling one's story as therapeutic or telling a story as an art form, which are really great, but it's exciting for us to be on what seems to be the forefront of taking this exciting new medium into the classroom. Time magazine recently published a cover story about "taking schools out of the 20th century." With Bridges, we are really trying to help move this along; not only is it good for education and for the kids, but it's a more sustainable model than before (where we relied upon a variety of connections, whether they were after school programs or nonprofit oriented or school based). .

One of the hardest parts of my job is juggling multiple tasks...I help coordinate digital storytelling workshops (where we train people to be local classroom mentors in Seattle and, abroad, train people to help facilitate the children's storytelling) here and abroad, which includes everything from marketing to making flight reservations to ensuring accurate follow up; write PR articles; keep track of our donor database; and manage our office/try to organize our digital content (including computers). It's a lot for a 24 hr/week position, but it's no more than most other nonprofit jobs I'm sure. I've read a few books on nonprofits lately ("Leaving MIcrosoft to CHange the World," "Three Cups of Tea") and it seems they often survive on the energy and motivation of a select group of very big-hearted people. The staff at Bridges is amazing and I'm learning so much, and we are all doing a delicate juggling act between maintaining our professional lifes, personal lives and health. The biggest struggle aside from juggling is just making sure we're all on the same page regarding our mission and goals. We had a staff retreat a few weeks ago which was amazingly productive/fun on that end, so I'm feeling good about things! I never would have thought I'd be here during college (and if i knew, i would have taken more computer science and media studies classes), but I'm really happy about it now. I'm looking forward to new changes such as a website revamp and working more with our awesome intern!

At the UW, I'm constantly inspired by my coworkers. We have a few characters who just have the best attitudes; one of the things I like the most about them is that they not only believe there's a solution to every problem, but they know how to fix anything! I got into some sort of crazy mess with my label maker the other day and my coworker patiently took apart the entire thing and put it back together. It was amazing...there I was, feeling stressed/out of control, when he was totally calm...I suppose that it's natural to feel calm when you know you can fix anything! Anyway, it's been fun working with those guys along with the front office team, doing hospital-wide signage with one of my coworkers. It's really fascinating to consider how different sign placement/wording can affect the way people experience a hospital visit. I hope we're making it easier for people!

Dancing

It's really interesting to take a step back sometimes and think about how my life might have been different if I hadn't taken some intro swing classes on a whim while living in Rochester, NY. I really just feel I've found my nitche in social dancing here in Seattle; it's not so much about the activity itself, but the commraderie and friendships that have developed through the dance community (hmm, it's a bit similar to soccer and other such activities, I suppose, but with even more of an emphasis on community-building activities).

Anyway, I just continue to marvel and delight in the experience of walking into Seattle's Century Ballroom on Capitol Hill, hearing the classic jazz of the 20s/30s, and seeing so many people just excited about this amazing dance. My favorite place to dance is actually not even a ballroom but the New Orleans Bar and Restaurant in Pioneer Square; every Thursday one of my favorite local bands, the Ham Carson band, plays hot jazz from 7-10. We dancers jam ourselves between the tables and waiters and just really enjoy being able to share our dance with the people who happen to be eating dinner/getting drinks. I've blogged about this before, but it's worth noting that this gem continues to be a great part of my social life!

I've joined Emerald City Swing, a local dance troupe/performance team, and we are working on a show for June, 2007. It's been really interesting and fun to work as a team and choreograph dances....choreographing really foces you to look at the logic of doing certain moves and address how they fit in with the music more so than social dancing, where the goal to me is more just enjoyment of the moment. I'm not sure that performing is ultimately where I want to put a lot of time and investment, but for now, it's been really fun to be part of a team and I can't wait for our show!

Thoughts and Ideas

1) My friend Paul once quoted the first line of Anna Karenina, which states that "all happy families are alike, and all unhappy families are different in their misery." Coming from a happy family, i got really defensive about this quote - why does it always seem that sad or dire situations seem more interesting or complex than happy or successful ones? It brought to mind the question of why what's considered "news" is usually tragic events and why the essence of a story (or what i was taught in college) is of a central conflict and then resolution. Anyway, when i first heard that from paul i thought the quote was unfounded, but lately i've begun to see perhaps a different meaning to the quote.

The quote may not necessarily mean that each family that is happy has similar personality types or whatnot, but that the essential building blocks of what make a family (or any social structure for that matter) work are, perhaps, going to be the same across the board. This thought has occurred to me after I've worked/volunteered in such a wide array of environments, from doing research in Australia/Texas/NY to working maintenance at my dad's boat marina in Seattle to playing/coaching numerous soccer teams to working/volunteering at numerous schools here and in central america to volunteering at a mental hospital in Austin, TX to working in the US nonprofit sector to working in a medical center in seattle (PHEW!). In all those environments, I actually see a striking similarity between the organizations that function well, wheraes the ones that don't succeed all have different reasons for failing.

Frustratingly, when i try to articulate what it is that the successful ones have, all i can come up with are these worn out platitudes: the ones that work are the ones where people are organized, communicate, have clear roles and an environment where honesty is appreicated, have the resources they need, and have a positive attitude. DUH, right?

Yet, there is a little more...one more factor that's been particularly fascinating to me relating to all this is the "gumption" factor, or just the willingness of members of a group to just work their tails off. My coworker Tania at Bridges likes to quote from a speech she heard on the "myth of talent" in which the speaker argues that people all too often limit themselves by saying they don't have natural aptitude in something (particular artistic ventures, in his case). Furthermore, he argues that basically anyone can learn anything if they try hard enough, whether it's learning to play concert piano, painting, or becoming a biochemist.

I hate to sound this cliche, but after being in the working world for 2 years I have to say that this adage has proven true again and again. It's not the smartest, most creative or most eloquent of my friends/cohorts who find themselves successful today but those who work the hardest (and, i should qualify that to say those who understand how to concentrate their work so it's going to pay off rather than spinning their wheels in the mud). Furthermore, it's the hard workers whom i most value in my professional/athletic life. Coaching a girls' soccer team has been so much of a learning experience because I really see how far gumption can take each one...anyone who's done sports knows this, but i see it even more clearly now from the sidelines. I've also noticed this in my dancing career - yes, some people are naturally more comfortable and flowing in their bodies, that's undeniable, but most people who i look at and say "wow, they are a natural" will tell me that they had to work incredibly hard to get where they are. I've always been interested in cognitive science, and i can see now that i have limited myself in the past, saying i'm not gifted in the sciences enough to be successful in that field. I wish i had had a better attitude in college and had been more willing to push myself outside the realms where i knew i had natural aptitude, because i see now that hard work could likely have made up the difference!

2) That thought sort of leads directly into my second thought lately, which was sparked by reading a fascinating article about children and praise (http://www.printthis.clickability.com/pt/cpt?action=cpt&title=The+Power+%28and+Peril%29+of+Praising+Your+Kids+--+New+York+Magazine&expire=&urlID=21157633&fb=Y&url=http%3A%2F%2Fnymag.com%2Fnews%2Ffeatures%2F27840%2F&partnerID=73272 ) First of all, let me clarify that this article doesn't actually apply to me in a lot of ways, but it does in terms of things like math and science which were harder for me in middle/high school. The basic thesis of this article is that children perform better when praised for EFFORT as opposed to natural ability. What happens when children are praised constantly for being smart is that they expect things will come easily so they shirk from challenge and feel they've failed when they have to work hard in one area to achieve results.

Anyway, I posted this article in my private blog (viewable only to my close friends; message me if you want to be added) and I was amazed at the responses I got. So many friends say that they totally identified with the article, that they were always labelled/praised as "gifted" or smart but then when they had to try hard they felt badly about themselves...well, there were lots of responses, but that was a general theme. I suppose the main point is to be as specific as you can with your praise, and to praise effort above natural ability. It definitely goes with my idea above that hard work can be much more valuable than anything else.

Well, there are more ideas, but that's it for now

More pics from 2006...

2007-01-08T23:34:00.000-08:00

Comprehensive sample will follow, but for now you'll see Brian and I being silly at a BBQ, shelly and kev at their wedding, and Jo and I having a blast at a swing dance at the Century Ballroom!

Best pictures of 2006: sneak preview

2007-01-08T22:44:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a bit late on the whole "best pics of 2006" thing...but, for a sneak peak, i'm going to put a few cool pictures up right now from my dancing life :-)

Lucy Winter Baggett is born!

2006-12-19T01:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was the closest I've been to seeing a live birth. It was incredible...one of the few times in life where you are uttely in the moment, captivated by the unbelievable beauty of LIFE! More later, but for now I'll post some pics of Jason Baggett, Bethany Palma, and their unbelievably sweet baby Lucy. She was making all these cute shapes with her mouth and was just amazing when I saw her, which was only 1/2 hour after she had popped out of Bethany! Jason was crying and it was just so emotional and wonderful and Bethany was exhausted after 3 days of labor but so relieved and happy and all the families and friends who could make it were there and it was beautiful.

Ponies and things

2006-12-08T07:28:00.000-08:00

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be an artist. Specifically, an horse-artist. I was one of those girls who would doodle ponies in the corner of my multiplication time-table sheets and would spend hours imaging the farm I would have one day. I harbored this perfect drawing of a horse in my mind; it looked about like this:
Day after day, I'd sit with my #2 pencil in hand and try to sketch out this perfect image. I don't know why, but I felt a strong desire to put it all on paper. But alas, it would invariably end up coming out a lot like this:

I even tried checking out one of those "step by step" drawing manuals from my elementary school library (with big circles inside the horses, like this):
No matter what I tried, I always ended up frustrated that the horse in my mind would not match the horse on paper in front of me. I felt the same way about handwriting; it's funny, when I look at kid handwriting now I think that it's so sweet and cute, but I remember as a child thinking, "Why do adults think this is cute? This is so embarassing, I want it to look much better!"

<>In the past couple years post-college, I've often felt exactly the opposite from how I felt as a child; I have so many skills from my amazing education and experiences during my 25 years on earth, but I haven't been quite sure what to do with it. At Bridges, one of my mentors was saying the other day how we have all the tools to communicate across cultures (video conferencing, the web, etc), but we often don't know how to do the harder work of figuring out what that means, figuring out how to make actual meaningful connections. I've felt the same way about my life in general - there is so much I am capable of doing that I'm not sure where to point the arrow of my mind.

Yet, I think I had a bit of a breakthrough on that front recently. Wheras in the past, I've been very much concerned with what I should do vocationally, this year I've been engaging in work that I find incredibly satisfying. The best way I have to describe it is that it's not that I've found an answer to what I'm going to "do with my life," but I am engaged in activities that preclude me from asking that question. Sure, there are still times when I look at my friends and think, "Gosh, look, they're halfway through med school, practicing law, flying planes, teaching classrooms, and I'm still not sure what I'm going to do when i 'grow up,'" but those times are fewer and farther between.

Plus, I look at myself through their eyes and think, "Gosh, look at her - she has a job that allows her an incredible amount of freedom where she gets to travel to India and New Mexico
and learn really cool web-design skills and work with amazing people!" Working at Bridges and for Phil truly have been blessings. I can't believe how much I've learned since March - I helped Phil write the stories for his book "Women Empowered," I learned how to manage an office and coordinate international photography and digital storytelling workshops (with many mistkaes along the way, mind you), I saw a small 3 person nonprofit through a merger with another small nonprofit and undergo an incrediby smooth transfer of power and leadership, I oversaw 2 (and almost 3 now) office moves, I have met some incredible people through our board of directors and a visit to Boston at a "gathering of digital storytellers," I've seen our work pay off in New Mexico, Seattle and India firsthand, and (most importantly) I've learned how to work with a bunch of amazing, inspiring, overachievers!

Bridges has become like a small family to me. We all support each other, help each other out vocationally and in our personal lives, and even appreciate each other's work - I can't count how many times people have thanked me for doing my JOB! Who can ask for more? Yes, I have seen my share of tears of frustration this year, of course, and every day I still tackle seemingly-insurmountable logistical and (often...ooh too often) technological hills, but somehow we get by. I'm incredibly lucky, and I also work incredibly hard so it all works out very well indeed.

I also just started working part time at my old office at the UWMC the other week, which will work out nicely because I will now receive a good benefits package and will be in another really good office environment. That job continues to teach me a lot about how to work with people (face to face exchanges are better than email), how to organize an office (have a paper trail, naming conventions for files, and just be organized in general!), and how to keep a pretty big hospital safe. It's a huge job with people who often don't get enough credit, and I'm grateful for their examples of hard work.
<>
This time of year is always thought-provoking for me; I know many people resist the "top (x) of the year" and "new year's resolutions!" articles and specials, but I really like the idea of taking some time out to reflect upon the past year. This is particularly useful to me because I tend to be so hard on myself and/or future-driven that I forget how far I've come. I realized that just as I was writing about my jobs above - I really hadn't seen the big picture or remembered all my job-related anxiety from a year ago until now.

The past year has seen it's share of heartache and ambiguity, yet I feel closer than ever to finding what will ultimately work for me in the "intimate relationship" sphere of my life. I have grown up with the idea that I will turn out just like my parents, but I see now that perhaps I have taken that a bit too literally. I want to approach life and people the way they do - I want to raise children to have a social conscience, to delight in the small things, and to learn to work hard but also take time to enjoy your harvest.

Yet, I know I won't achieve those things in the exact same way they did - on the one hand, that would be impossible since my mom was pregnant with my older brother when she was my age! But on a more serious note, I've begun to accept the fact that most likely, I will not just meet someone and have that "A-ha!" moment, get married within a year, and live happily ever after. This is something most people accept at the age of 14, but since it happened to my parents and grandparents, I think I've always just thought it would "happen" to me as well. I suppose the point isn't whether it will or won't happen, but that I have accepted that I will be fine whatever happens, and that my path to happiness will be entirely different than anyone else's or anything I've ever expected.

I'm in a funny place about that...I pay more attention to babies these days, and I see that Cheryl I've always imagined in the future, raising a family, being the mother figure (heck, i still get the "mom" nickname from different groups today - my old soccer team called me that, as well as my swing dancing friends), yet I don't really feel a rush. At the same time, I also don't feel a particular need to have "flings;" I suppose as always I'm looking for something meaningful, whether that is something that leads to a long-term relationship or not. I trust that whatever happens will work for me, although being the impatient person I am I sometimes want to "know" the answers sooner.

After deconstructing everything about the world in college, I don't think i need to necessarily get married or all of that stuff on an intellectual level, but emotionally, that is something I see for myself someday. This year saw many marriages, most notably my SISTER's amazing marriage to Kevin and the melding of our families...we are so lucky, I love her in-laws and they couldn't be happier. The wedding was perfect and I can't say enough about them as a coupe.

I think. A lot. I think myself in circles and that can be a bad thing, but this year, my thoughts have led me to some really interesting places! As I wrote about in March, I had to make a couple really big decisions this year: I chose a job that gave me less stability but would feed my passions for anthropology, psychology, creativity, and working with people at Bridge s(see above).

Suraj and I chose to break-up despite the fact that we still loved each other deeply; the aftershocks continued through the summer but we now consider each other very close friends, which has given me a huge sense of relief and a feeling of rightness in the world. I knew it before, but now I really know that it takes more than love to make a relationship work. I'm excited to see what the future will hold for both of us.

I decided my life was stable enough (travel-wise) for me to move out of my parents' house, so in June I moved into a sweet little duplex in the Central District with the adorable Anna, whom I didn't know yet but would soon spend hours into the night talking to about boys, dancing, and all the other important things in the world. We painted our kitchen bright pink, blue and green, stayed up too late eating cookies and talking about ourselves, and hosted many bbq's, hang-out sessions, and dance get-togethers. It was everything I thought college would be and I couldn't be happier with my living situation (except for the matter of safety, but I'll leave that for another day).

I started feeding my passion for soccer once again by assistant coaching a U-14 girls' team. I have learned so much about leadership, growth and the teenaged years...there are some areas where I've consistently been lacking, incusing assertiveness and discipline, but I hope I've made up for it in inspiration. I'm not as effective of a coach as I am a player, and I'm not sure why, but i think some of it has to do with the fact that I am used to leading by example, which is hard to do when you can't join the girls on the field during a game. The head coach is very effective and I'm learning a ton from the experience.

In the spring, I started swing dancing more and more often due to the confluence of gaining a job that allowed me to sleep in and having more time after the break-up. Jazz has gotten into my bones and I don't think it's going to leave anytime soon. I didn't even really think about it until now, but my social life has changed pretty dramatically due to dancing; whereas my social activities used to be confined to "hanging out," watching movies, doing various activities in seattle (which i still LOVE), now I find myself more physically active, dancing 3-5 nights a week. It suits me...the multitude of people (many, but not an indimidatingly large amount), the energy and adrenaline that come from the actual dance, the inspiration from the music, and the bonds with my friends...the lifestyle is perfect for me because it's a fun, active, social sphere that doesn't involve alcohol primarily (not that there's anything wrong with that, but since I don't drink it just makes it that much easier). The friends I've made are just incredible...I can't even begin to start describing them or I'd be here all day. Ooh, and I joined a dance performance team which has been challenging but very fun - we have a show in June and you are all invited!

This year, I also joined a book club, which may seem like a small thing, but it's given me a much-needed academic fix, plus some quality time with my dear friend Angela whom I don't see often because we're...adults now. Wow, i didn't really think of it that way until now.

At the beginning of the year, I outlined my goals for 2006- the main areas were "food, fitness and finances" and I performed them in that order, food being the best ( i now eat fruits and veggies EVERY day), fitness being second best (I've recovered almost fully from the knee injury and am doing cardio more than half the week), and financess being the area where i need to improve the most (I need to keep better track of my money; swing dancing has been a bit of a drain but it's worth it for social capital; i have to start a retirement thingie...yes, i have a lot to learn about money). I'm fairly happy with my performance and am dedicated to doing even better in 2007.

This year, I took more risks than I characteristically take - living in a place slightly less safe than I'd like, taking a less stable job, and taking various risks with my heart. I suppose that's just a part of growing up - I no longer have the luxury of staying in my comfort zone.

Free association time: I'm happy I've stayed in touch with friends from youth while making more closer connections. I need to sleep more. I have a wonderful cat at the apartment named Freya who loves affection more than any cat i've ever known. I had a few disasterous cooking experiences related to, among other things, vegetables in dispose-alls which did NOT dispose-all (THANKS again Dad for cleaning that up) and bland Moroccan Chickpea Stew (it may pay to actually buy the expensive spices). I got to learn an amazing software program called "Adobe Premiere" which allows you to make little documentaries with sound and motion on photos that come out like videos; it reminds me of arts and crafts along with Engish, two of my favorite hobbies as a young person. It's strangely satisfying. I've learned that I will do anything not to clean the bathroom; I love washing the dishes. I've learned to be ok with spending a lot of time at something I am not naturally good at (dancing)...this has been very challenging. My dear 1986 Honda Accord is dying a slow death. Some girls at the Tibetan Children's Village in Dharamsala, India hand-drew an amazing line-up of women's fashion for me and my friend Kristin Eddings, who is Miss Washington this year and one of the most amazing people I've met (she is the REAL DEAL, as I said in a former posting!). I went to our family's cabin with friends twice this year and reaffirmed that the ocean is one of the most relaxing places on earth. Nothing is better than my pink fuzzy slippers. Chocolate chip cookies are still my favorite food. I joined an online community called "myspace.com" which has allowed me to stay more connected with dancers around the world but which can also become an incredible "time-suck." I would have loved it in high school. I rediscovered a love for music this year, especially swing-era stuff. I work in Fremont right across from the PCC and get a disproportional amount of happiness from buying one thing at a time (ie one orange, a few pretzles, etc) than you'd expect. I still love running more than any other physical activity (aside from soccer) but the social aspect makes swing dancing more lovable overall. I can't believe it's almost Christmas. For the first time in my life i find myself saying "where has the time gone."

And now, back to #1...I need to sleep more!

India pics #3: indigenous grandmothers

2006-10-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

These are all pictures the students took when they met the International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers. The first is the Yupic grandmother from the Arctic Circle. The secod is from the Brazilian Amazon. The third is one of Kristin and Gayki laughing with the Arctic Circle grandmother. The last is of another from South America. The kids really enjoyed seeing all their different traditions!

India Pictures #2

2006-10-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how many I can post of the temples because some people are afraid that if their pictures are published they may be recognized, so I'll stick to these ones:

#1) This is a monk at the temple where the Dali Lama lives. Pic taken by Sonham, one of the students I worked with.

#2) This is Tashi taking a child's picture and showing it to her...so sweet!

#3) This is an old lady whom we had the children interview - she lives on the campus of the TCV and came across from Tibet in 1959 (same year as the Dali Lama).

#4) Sonham took this picture of the candles that are a part of all the temples.

India Pictures: set #1

2006-10-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

I have an insanely large amout of pictures but want to get a few out there asap so here's a somewhat random, but i hope representative sample:

1) This is Champel on our first day with the students - as a "getting to know you" exercise we have the mentors and students take pictures of each other. I absolutely adored Champel's glasses!

#2) This is a pretty typical shot of the mentors working with the kids on Adobe Photoshop and Premiere to turn their pictures into a story.

#3) An establishing shot of Mcleoudenganj (sp?), the area of upper Dharamsala where we were staying. Lots of trees and absolutely stunning drops in elevation...i love mountains! I never got any great pictures of the peaks but we were in the himalayas.

#4) Here are the 13 indigenous grandmothers on their first night in town where they were received by TCV schoolchildren playing traditional tibetan music.

Back from India...

2006-10-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

There's always a distinct bittersweetness about returning home from a trip abroad, especially when one has had some significant cross-cultural connections/experiences...not only do you leave the place with all it's visual richness and cultural stimulation, but you leave the feeling of the place in your heart...the effect of the place on your daily thought patterns and charasteristic ways of reacting to your environment.

In more simple terms: there's a distinction between being sad about leaving a place because of what the place can provide externally (which is, i think, what most people think of when they travel) versus the more subtle ways the place itself can make you think differently and affect you on an internal level.

Of course, the two are not easily to separate. After taking an Anthropology seminar in Tourism, though, I know that for many people "touring" a place can be a very superficial thing based on the externals. The problem is, people from the "west" (please forgive me these generalization - i hate saying "west" but lack a better word) often approach visiting another culture as if it's a supermarket..."I'll have the brightly colored cloths and unique jewelry but I'll pass on the lack of modern sanitization systems and dysentery." There's something a bit sick to me about approaching a location based solely on what it can offer YOU and neglecting any thought on the location being an actual PLACE where people eat, live, sleep, die, etc...it's a complex situation, because in many places people have incentive to "sell" their location so they can have money to feed their families. In other words, tourism is not something entirely imposed from outside a culture. Nevertheless, it's a sort of sad irony that so often the tourist unwittingly helps destroly that which he/she wishes will be preserved: the culture. There's a name for this - "imperialist nostalgia," the desire for that which one has destroyed.

Anyway, that was a big tangent (i blame this on the jetlag, sorry) - the originally point was merely that I was very moved by many aspects of Tibetan culture which i witnessed in Dharamsala, and found a distinct difference in my attitude post as opposed to pre-trip. Yet, as I go through my post-airplane routine (this was my most grueling commute as of yet - a 13 hour bus ride to Delhi, then 3 hours to rest/eat, then 3 hours at the airport, 15 hour flight to chicago, 2 more hours at airport, then 4 hours flight to seattle), which includes unpacking, doing laundry, and taking a loooong, hot shower (this feels particularly good after the bucket showers we had in India), I find myself fighting against my habitual thought-patterns (some of which are positive, some of which are negative). Hence the word "bittersweet"... It's going to be frustrating for me to try to generalize about the trip, so I think i'll opt to just jot down a whole bunch of little allegories and factual tidbits about the trip not only for the reader's knowledge but also for me, so i can preserve these memories/experiences (although i suppose if i am really affected by buddhism i will say that all things are impermanent and i should question my inclination to cling to these experiences, hehe).

Anyway, here goes:

1) Tibetan monks and nuns (they are Buddhist monks and nuns, not to be confused with Catholic monks and nuns) everywhere...well, the monks were more ubiquitous than the nuns, but on any given amble down one of the two main roads in town you'd see the monks/nuns in their maroon robes, often chatting with other people and/or text-messenging...they also visited the internet cafes and struck up conversations with strangers. This countered my initial image of a "monk" as someone who has to go be away from society...I need to learn more about monks!

2) Old people rule. I smiled at so many old people on the streets and they smiled back and it was just so sweet...as part of the project we did (for work), we had children from the Tibetan Children's Village School (many of whom are refugees from Tibet) meet up with the "International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers" . We storyboarded beforehand and realized that the children wanted to ask the grandmothers questions about how they pray (the grandmothers are all from very different communities; one is Tibetan), why they pray, and whether they ever get sleepy/bored when they pray.

At the TCV (Tibetan Children's Village), the kids live in group homes of about 40 kids with one home mother. The kids do all the cooking, cleaning and chores as many of their parents are still in Tibet (although this is not the case for all students - some are the children of staff members and live with their families). They don't have access to many older people and we weren't sure how they'd react to the grandmothers. At first they were a little hesitant and scared, but after a few of them smiled and put their hands out, the kids opened up...by the end, i was in tears. I don't see myself as incredibly spiritual, but i was consistently moved by these indigenous grandmothers (all of whom have a very strong spiritual component). By the end of the trip, 3 of the children had written hand-written letters to the grandmothers asking her to be their grandmother. It was so rewarding to see the profound impact the two groups had on each other.

3) Let me backtrack for a second about the trip structure: the point of the trip is to sustain our program of connecting kids around the world, in this case through utilizing volunteer mentors to help the kids create digital stories about their lives which they can share with other kids on our website. The trip also serves a finaicial purpose, as the income from the volunteer mentors (their fee) extends beyond the workshop fee to cover some of our operating expenses. Anyway, the idea of the workshop is for the Bridges staff to train mentors in the tools of digital storytelling in the mornings and then in the afternoons they can put their new knowledge into practice by teaching the kids. We all help the kids create one or two stories to be shared on our website, mixing photos, narration, and music. As with many things, the process rather than the end product is really the most important part. The mentors often become very attached to the children and vice versa. It almost felt like camp at the end -we all wrote little notes to each other and hugged and had a hard time letting go!

4) There are many ways to make a respectable living. I was walking down the street with Kristin, my roomate and best friend on the trip (she also happens to be Miss Washington 2006...more on that later) when I saw a sad looking man trying to sell some fleece blankets. I told Kristin i felt sorry for him, and she said, "Why? he's making a respectable living." She said she thought that feeling sorry for someone like him would rob him of some of his dignity. Anyway, i had never thought of it that way.

5) While we were there, the 5th year of the "Miss Tibet" pagent (see article in the Christian Science Monitor) occurred in Dharamsala. It is contentious to have "miss tibet" to begin with, as Tibet is not considered it's own country by China, which has power over the land that was once Tibet (I'm still trying to figure the situation out). Kristin, being Miss Washington, ended up getting a lot of attention for showing up and, thus, expressing support for the Tibetan cause. I don't think any of us anticipated the media frenzy that would surround Kristin as well as Miss Tibet.

Anyway, I think many of us have negative stereotypes about beauty pageants, but I have learned a lot from Kristin about Miss America (which is primarily a scholarship program rather than beauty contest - Miss USA is the one judged strictly on beauty). Contestants are often pre-med or other extremely high-achieving people and are doing the pageant as a way to get scholarship money to pay for college. Each contestant runs on a platform; Kristin is the first to ever run on an international platform (hers is "international education"). She is absolutely the real deal - she has a solid, positive attide, is witty and hilarious, quick, smart, generous, caring, and just an all around wonderful person to be around. The first few days of the workshop i would lie in bed and often agonize over some of the little things that had gone wrong, and kristin had just a very honest yet very positive way of looking at things. "Que sera sera, man," she kept saying! Really, i feel badly for being cynical in the past about how genuine the miss america contestants are about wanting to "save the world," but with kristin it's another story. She wants to save the world, and i don't doubt that she can/will.

Anyway, Miss Tibet was interesting because while I at first saw it as an assertion that Tibetan women could be modern, when I talked to Lobsang (the primary force behind the event) he expressed that it was actually about showcasing the traditional Tibetan woman...he referenced buddhist texts which mention 16 components of beauty and very clearly is passionate about showcasing tibetan beauty on an international stage, but i found that the structure and marketing of the event did not match with his intentions, which led to it being very contentious. Many in the audience yelled things in Tibetan at the contestants and I think many resented that the women were rejecting their traditional culture...interestingly, each contestant earnestly and often mentioned that she would use the crown to further awareness about the Tibetan cause, so it did seem like a lot more than a beauty pageant.

6) One thing we came up against again and again is the whole idea of cultural "purity" - so often people from the outside wish for a culture to remain "untouched," but what happens when they want to change? No culture is static. Pasta was originally from China and not italy, but what if someone had rejected it at the time it was brought over from china because it was not their idea of purely italian cuisine - it never could have been able to morph into what it became (dumplings became ravioli, noodles became fettucini, etc etc). In the same way, i think in my work people often want the kids to do things like sing Tibetan songs, when really their favorite song may be Lee Ann Womak (this was the case with one girl in our workshop) or 50 cent. In the case of Tibetan culture in Dharamsala, we are beyond the point where the culture can evolve without being touched by the "outside," and this is not a bad thing. Part of our role in Bridges is to help preserve parts of the past so the children can learn from it (this was something the grandmothers were very vehement about), yet I also think we should encourage the kids to showcase who they are now - hybrids of all kinds of culture (tibetan, chinese, indian, american/"western").

A great example of this is the Dali Lama going under brain scans while he meditates to help advance scientific studies on meditation. It's a delicate balance, but i appreciate the way that Buddhism seems to be open to adaptation, while keeping the same fundamental premises.

7) Kids are constantly looking for validation/affirmation. This was very clear in the workshop...especially with kids who don't get a lot of attention from adults in their daily lives. It was so wonderful to watch them light up under the attention of a mentor.

8) There's nothing like "hot horlics with milk." kristin and i tried this at a chinese food place ("the snow lion")at the suggestion of a local restaurant owner who was patronizing the chinese place (always a good sign!). It was scary to try something we had never heard of, but it was delicious -we later bought some at the store and learned that it is basically just malt. Good stuff!

9) Amazingly, tuktuks, bicycles, motorcycles, walkers, buses, and cars can coexist in a harmonious yet chaotic state on the paved roads in India. I am absolutely baffled as to why we didn't see a single accident, but if course i'm very relieved as well!

10) Cows are hilarious. Cows in the middle of a crowded road are hilarious and annoying. It is a criminal offence to hurt a cow in india so they are basically allowed to roam everywhere, making walking through town a bit of the challenge if one wishes to keep excrement off of one's shoes.

11) What we were assured would be a 12 hour bus ride from Delhi to DHaramsala ended up takiing over 17 hours, but the workshop participants were very good at going with the flow for the most part. There's a general sense in places like India, i think, that plans/dates/times are always flexible...i foudn this in Belize as well. It can be irritating but also very liberating/.

12) On the road to Dharamsala i saw some of the most...visible poverty i have seen. It's hard to describe the effect it had on me other than that it was guilt-producing (not only in the moment, but later on when i realized how easily i looked away, as if i was watching it on TV and not out my very window).

13) It's hard to tell whether people trying to sell you jewelry/scarves/etc are lying or not. I am way too trusting, hehe. They all keep saying that they are offering the lowest deal and it will barely cover their production cost, but if you walk away they seem to give it to you at that price, so it's hard to know for sure what's right!

15) Jet lag bites, but it's aaaaalll worth it! I can't write any more now or else i'll fall asleep...i'm looking forward to trying to apply a more peaceful adn less anxious attitude to my whole life, especially about work. I realized through this trip that things won't go as planned, and that as long as you are adaptable that is ok. More to come, along with pics...

safe and sound

2006-10-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

to anyone who's wondering, i'm safe and sound in india right now...more to come!

Women Empowered

2006-09-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

I keep forgetting to post about the book I helped write with Phil! Well, it's a photography book profiling women in indiegnous communities around the world who are doing extraordinary things to rise above their circumstance. Phil worked on the profiles of these women with the help of CARE International, a simply wonderful organization that tries to solve the problem of world poverty by empowering women.

My job was to go through his notes on each woman and pick out the things I thought would be the most interesting/important to relate and write the draft of the "blurbs," as we called them (the 100 word descriptions of each woman that accompanied each picture). I also helped write the short context statements and captions on the pictures and found quotes/statistics for other pages. In the end, I served as an editor as well - it's been really interesting to see the book publishing process from start to, well, middle (and soon finish)! The book will come out on March 7, 2007 for International Woman's Day.

It was an incredibly inspirational project...there were times when i'd lose sight of the big picture and get caught up in the tiny details, but then i'd remember that what i was writing/editing was the story of a woman who stopped genital mutilation in her city, or another who stood up to her rapists, or another who ran a clandestine school for girls during the Taliban rule. I'm so grateful i was able to be part of this prject and can't wait for it to come out!

Here's the URL for the book: http://www.philborges.com/book-women.html Enjoy!

International Talk like a Pirate Day!

2006-09-21T17:04:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics from a little get together Anna, Mike and I sponsored in honor of "international talk like a pirate day" on Tuesday night! Pictured here are Ben from London (visiting for the week), Mike, Byron, and George...George won for best costume, hands down! To see the transformation, look at the pic from last week about the Pullalup fair and compare...it's not even like the same person! Did someone say Jack Sparrow?

Mike uses some sort of georgian tusk to pour his rum into...always ingenious, that Michael! No wonder they hired him at Microsoft.
Brian and I looking chill in our costumes...thank you George for lending me the extra hat!
Adrienne making her best "yaaaaaaar!" face and Brian peeking out from behind her hat...

Pullalup Fair!

2006-09-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

So, this Saturday a big group of my friends from dancing and I went to the Pullalup Fair (along with new friend George)! I had been excited about it for weeks, but upon arrival I was a tad overwhelmed...I had sort of imagined myself at the fair without the thousands of other people, you know? Funny how the brain works. Anyway, once I got over that, we had a smashing time!
Pictured below are Anna, Jo and Darla on one of the numerous rides (my favorite was the swings...yeah, i know, i'm such a daredevil!). Second, we have Darla and Brit taking a little break outside the food court. Lastly, we have George making an adorable sheep face!

I was really struck by how many children were taking care of the animals, and how much pride they had in their work. It made me think about a topic I come back to again and again these days: how the feel-good parenting trend had sort of allowed children to become complacent, when if we push them they can become productive members of society (that was an ugly sentence but you know what I mean). I think kids have so much potential, and by trying to protect them from getting "hurt" parents are probably hurting them in the end. When I saw these kids from farms taking care of the animals ( and i know i'm stereotyping and generalizing here ), I was struck by how proud they were of themselves, and how skilled and independent they appeared.

Anyway, that was just my observation from the day...now i'm back to work, but just wanted to share these pics with you all before i could forget!

25 years on earth...

2006-09-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me! Click here to see a video of my "birthday dance" at the Century Ballroom last Sunday...I hope to have another birthday dance tomorrow night as well! They're my favorite; basically, everyone gets in a big circle and the birthday boys/girls come in the middle and the DJ plays one song where the objective is for as many people as possoble to "cut in" on the person dancing without messing up the rhythm of the dance (and while also looking good and being creative). Yay, birthday dances!

This birthday has been...wow, overwhelming, in many ways (more than i can name in this format), but mostly just...good. Time is so strange...to think that I've lived a quarter of a century, I'm not sure I can really digest that.

I have to break it down into maneagable parts: I've lived the equivalent of: my 4 years at Vassar about 6 times; 8 times the 3 years I had braces; 40 times the amount of time I've spent living abroad in Australia/Belize. I've played soccer for twice the amount of time I've known how to drive a car (well, not including bumper cars). I've probably read the equivalent of 50 books a year (depending on whether or not you include the "babysitter's club" series, hehe). I've been alive for a little less than 3/4 the amount of time my grandma's been married, and a little more than 1/2 the amount of time email has been ubiquitous...

I love breaking things down like that, but it can get tiresome for the reader so I'll stop now. I don't think birthdays have any big intrinsic meaning, and that's one of the things i love about them - there's no presense beyond the simple objective of celebrating someone's life. For me, birthdays are always a funny thing, because although I see why it makes sense for them to be about "me" (and i often get in silly moods where i get all self-depricating and "me me me"), to be honest, a celebration of my life is really a celebration of everyone whose lives have touched mine...we're inextricably linked.

I suppose that's why we have "birthday parties" - it's not so much about the individual, but the individual in context...or, perhaps we just need an excuse to party. I'm not sure! What I do know is this: there are some things that are not useful to overthink, and birthdays are definitely one of those things!

I'd like to just provide one example of birthday goodness before signing off: it's a longstanding tradition in our family to "give our thanks" every night at the dinner table, meaning that all through my childhood we would go around the table and say something we're thankful for. Whenever it's someone's birthday, we say something we're grateful for about the person who's birthday it is.

2 weekends ago, my sister and her husband are in town from Spokane (where she's finishing senior year and he's working at Starbucks); we had a family waffle breakfast this morning and, to my surprise, we decided to do the birthday thanks in advance!

There's so much to say, but i'll just focus on one thing; my dad said that he's thankful for my "irreverent" sense of humor (he's always been my #1 fan, first to laugh at my jokes or observations on life). He went on a big of a tangent about how I've been a bit anxious the past couple years, trying to figure out what to do with my life, etc and have taken myself a bit too seriously at times; he said he's really grateful that I've mellowed out and lightened up a bit, which has allowed my innately irreverent personality/humor come through.

It made me think about where i was last summer, and two summers ago (right after college), when i kept on saying, "what am i going to DO with my life?" etc...the big difference now, interestingly, ISN"T that I've found an answer; I'm far from it, as always! The difference is that I'm involved in activities that preclude me from even asking the question...does that make sense? It reminds me of some existential stuff I read in high school, about how people find their meaning through involvement in projects outside themselves...

Anyway, i'm happy for where I am, AND of course grateful as always for my amazing family. And, after a week at the cabin with some awesome friends, I have to say that I'm just full to the brim with good vibes right now...I have such a solid base in my pre-existing friend/family circle, yet have been exposed to some new faces lately that make me excited about the future as well.

Well, as much fun as it is to write about myself, I hope I find something else to write about soon - I'm afraid this blog is becoming a bit too solipsistic! Cheers to my friends, family, etc. Cheers to life. I'm so freaking lucky.

Birthday weekend!

2006-09-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

I can't write much at the moment, just wanted to put up a few pictures from my birthday weekend! The one of Anna and I is from the Century Ballroom last Wednesday when we showed up wearing the same thing...the second is of Alicia and Dinh at our family cabin on the Oregon Coast where I had a few friends over to celebrate the weekend...the last is from a GORGEOUS campfire we had on Saturday night where we roasted marshmallows and had s'mores! I took it on "illustration mode" with my new Casio Z750 digital camera....

I Feel GOOD!

2006-08-30T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling extremely good this week, and I will postulate the following hypothoses as potential explanations:

1) I finally decided to forgo dancing in order to get adaquate sleep. MY BRAIN FEELS SO MUCH BETTER, and I don't even miss dancing THAT much! (but i shall be out tonight)

2) My cold, which has been bothering me on and off for the last 2 1/2 months, seems to prefer Anna and has thus jumped into her side of the house (apologies, my dear roomate!). I'm still blowing my nose a bit, but have lost that cloudy-headed, pressure-headache feeling.

3) I've been more vigilant about getting adaquate exercise (forgoing potential social activities and dancing in order to do so), which i believe has contributed to some extra endorphins and general "good blood" feelings in my whole system.

4) Summer = good fruits and veggies, and i've been eating pretty healthily lately (although i still maintain my 2 cookie a day quota...)

5) I made use of this big whiteboard at work and have been doing a lot of big picture organization/definition at work, which helps me feel "on top of" my job and prevents me from getting lost in the minutae as much.

Well, the list could go on, but those are the main factors, I believe. I'm not sure which is the most important (although i think the sleep and absence of the cold have a ton to do with it), but I am just feeling more like my normal giddy cheryl self this week. It feels sort of like being reunited with an old friend!

The interesting thing is that I've found myself thinking more interesting thoughts lately, or just...paying attention to my thoughts more...I got totally absorbed yesterday in the car just thinking about "information systems" and "information management," and how I wish i had studied some IT stuff in college, and how there are so many different ways to manage information, and how our brains work, and how little we really know, and then i started to see the potential future Cheryls: neurologist, psych professor, 5th grade teacher, mother, nonprofit exec, daughter, penguin whisperer, and it was just...stimulating, and good. I like thinking!

The weird thing is that my RA (rheumatoid arthritis) is acting up, which usually is correlated with energy lows, feelings of lethargy (relative lethargy...i'm still bouncy cheryl throughout this, but the sinusoidal waves of my bounciness can get more or less intense, hehe)...but in this case, i feel great energy-wise despite my fingers feeling a dull, burning pain off an on throughout the day...i feel very fortunate for that.

Anyway, I just wanted to mark my mood down on paper so that in years to come I can look back and see that August 30, 2006 was a good day to be Cheryl Crow. I suppose the Hurricane Katrina awareness has factored into this perspective as well; hearing so many stories about people who've lost so much makes me feel very lucky to be where I am.

Cool quotes

2006-08-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

• Imagine the brain, that shiny mound of being, that mouse-gray parliament of cells, that dream factory, that petit tyrant inside a ball of bone, that huddle of neurons calling all the plays, that little everywhere, that fickle pleasuredome, that wrinkled wardrobe of selves stuffed into the skull like too many clothes in a gym bag. - Diane Ackerman ( American poet and prose writer, whose works on science and natural history reflect a wonder of the natural world. Diane Ackerman describes herself as a sensuist.)

• People sometimes ask me about all of the science in my work, thinking it odd that I should wish to combine science and art, and assuming that I must have some inner pledge or outer maxim I follow. But the hardest job for me is trying to keep science out of my writing. We live in a world where amino acids, viruses, airfoils, and such are common ingredients in our daily sense of Nature. Not to write about Nature in its widest sense, because quasars or corpuscles are not "the proper realm of poetry," as a critic once said to me, is not only irresponsible and philistine, it bankrupts the experience of living, it ignores much of life's fascination and variety. - Diane Ackerman

• The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be either good or evil. (Hannah Arendt, a political philosopher, specialized in analyzing the rise of totalitarianism, with special attention to Nazi Germany.)

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. (Jane Austen)

If you see a whole thing - it seems that it's always beautiful. Planets, lives.... But close up a world's all dirt and rocks. And day to day, life's a hard job, you get tired, you lose the pattern.- Ursula LeGuin

• We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. - Anais Nin

“It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it.” arnold toynbee

-Sit down and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it. "

Colette (1873-1954)

Colette was a writer known for her novels in which women were depicted as full sexual beings. Her husband published her first works under his own name. Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette married twice and was involved with women and men outside her marriages. One of the most famous adaptations of Colette's work was the play and movie, Gig

-colette A happy childhood is poor preparation for human contacts.

“Pleasure is often spoiled by describing it.” -Stendhal

-"It is not power that corrupts, but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts,"
Aung San Suu Kyi
1991, Burma (Myanmar)

-“Health is the first muse, and sleep is the condition to produce it” Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes

-“Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend. Non-being is the greatest joy.”

Lao Tzu quotes (Chinese taoist Philosopher, founder of Taoism, wrote "Tao Te Ching" (also "The Book of the Way"). 600 BC-531 BC)

-“To keep the body in good health is a duty, for otherwise we shall not be able to trim the lamp of wisdom, and keep our mind strong and clear. Water surrounds the lotus flower, but does not wet its petals.”

Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

“You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?”

W. Clement Stone quotes (American best selling Author and Founder of Combined Insurance Co (now a part of Aon Corp.), 1902-2002)

-“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.”

Confucius quote

-When asked by a reporter something like :"What, in your opinion is the most important question facing humanity today?" Einstein thought for a bit then replied, "I think the most important question facing humanity is, 'Is the universe a friendly place?' This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.
"For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.
"If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially 'playing dice with the universe', then we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.
"But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives."
Albert Einstein[33], quoted without a source, as is common with Einstein quotes, at http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/Sept_11.html

Book Club Bliss

2006-08-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

So, on Sunday we had the 5th official meeting of our Book Club and discussed Tom Robbins' "Jitterbug Perfume." Since I was the person who presented the 4 choices of books last meeting, I hosted the meeting and led the discussion.

First, allow me to set the scene: we met at my grandmother's place and lounged comfortably in her garden for a relaxing afternoon of good food, friends, and, oh yes, very deep discussions about life, death, and the historical and literary implications of Robbins' choice of the "beet" as a symbol of life everlasting...but, as with most book club discussions, the most interesting topics arose in our tangential side-conversations!

One thing that struck me at this meeting was how books can be useful/enjoyable on so many different levels, and how these levels don't necessarily intersect or overlap...for example, I LOVE reading Robbins' intricate and creative metaphor-packed sentences and enjoy how his overall themes make me think about the big questions in life (why are we here? what happens when we die? why are beets so damn tasty?), yet I don't think his type of book provokes the best conversation.

If we're judging books by how well they provoke conversation, I'd generally say that the books people like the least can often provoke the best conversation, because people tend to be very passionate and specific about their dislikes (while we're generally vaugue about our likes...isn't that funny? i mentioned this a bit on my post about bad movie reviews).

Anyway, we did end having a pretty good conversation about the book, but my favorite part was just relaxing and chatting it up with the ladies...my main link to the girls in the club is Angela, one of my dearest friends from high school. The rest of the girls are either friends or family members of Angela, and it's been really great getting to know people with different perspectives on life from me! We have a really diverse group personality-wise, but we share three common loves: laughter, food, and, of course, books (in that order? not sure!)...looking forward to reading the "book thief" for september's meeting!

Pictured below are Angela and Jaqui with the lovely brie and bread plate; me posing with the book (tee hee); and, finally, angela looking pretty as a picture in the garden!

Girls' night in...

2006-08-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, Madeline and Darla came over and, among other things, we:

1) took a field trip to the local am/pm to get real milk (all i had was soy) to make chocolate pudding pie

2) cooked some splendid mediterranean chicken with green olives, prunes, white wine and couscous (YUM!)

3) watched Darla make a shirt...dang, that girl is crafty!

4) discussed bodily functions while rolling around the couch in a VERY mature matter

5) fed each other said chocolate creme pie

6) yelled at Julia Roberts while watching "My Best Friend's Wedding"

7) took a mini-nap on my uber-comfortable bed

8) outlined plans for the all girl social club for swing dancers"Club Orange"...more to come soon!

Pictured below are: madeline eating from the chocolate creme pie batter; us showing off our tongues; and Darla feeding Madeline some pie!

Why does the "New Orleans" Restaurant rock my world?

2006-08-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

There will be more posts devoted to this splendid event in the future, but for now I wanted to post a couple pictures I took at Seattle's New Orleans Restaurant...it's where I go every Thursday from 7-10 to eat good creole food, listen to the Ham Carson band rock some hot jazz, and dance in between the wooden tables and admist the startled/enthusiastic diners, many of whom appear to have never seen Lindy Hop before...

I took a bunch of video clips on my new digital camera but only took a few pictures...here you will see Brian, Jocelyn and I, then a few of Adrienne and I "posin"...

Anyway, the New Orelans experience is the closest I've ever had to being a "regular"...the dancers sit at the same table every week, heckle the band members lovingly, and go absolutely crazy when they are "on"...the band members are mostly older men (we're talking 60 plus) who refuse to let old age stop them from playing on...it's an incredibly inspirational and FUN experience! I can't imagine Thursdays without it...

Behold, my back!

2006-08-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

So, the Seattle Times featured an article today on the "Century Masters of Lindy Hop and Tap" event that starts today...my aunt emailed me this morning to alert me that my back is, indeed, featured on the front page picture of the entertainment section! I am so proud. Tee hee. It IS exciting, just to know that not only is this amazing dance (which originated in Harlem in the 20s) alive and kicking today, I can watch/learn from the original innovators who are STILL loving this dance in their 90s!

Not to sound defensive (ha!), but I feel compelled to add that in the past week I have completed the following non-dance activities: went on a hike at Hurricane Ridge with Shan, Chris, Mike and his friend Sarah, went roller blading and swimming with Courtney, went out for brunch with the high school posse, instrumented a team bonding event for the soccer team i'm helping coach, and...well, that's it. Hehe. It's just very easy to report on all the exciting stuff happening with swing because it's still new to me.

Anyway, I need to get back to work, but I had to post this before I forgot!

"So much good, so much bad" or "some things never change"

2006-08-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

When i was a senior in high school, my philosophy teacher posed the question: "are humans innately good or innately evil?" He made my classmates and I go to different corners of the room, depending on our decision.

Even at that young of an age I hated having to make a black and white decision, yet I went into the "good" camp and argued that people are "good" to themselves, although that may mean that they have to be "evil" towards others. I also said that I felt people are motivated by what "feels" good, and to me, doing "good" or prosocial things "feels" good.

Later that year, my teacher brought up the following point: if you put 100 5 year-olds in a room with a puppy, chances are that 97-99 of them will play with the puppy and be sweet and gentle...but there will always be that one kid who would like nothing better than to just punt that puppy into outer space and watch it suffer.

I've come back to that example a striking number of times, particularly when I feel surrounded by so much GOOD in my immediate life, yet year about so much bad shit that's going on in my back door (or the world's back door). In my day to day life, I interact with all these amazing people with big hearts who devote their lives to various causes through my work in the nonprofit organization 'bridges to understanding' www.bridgesweb.org). Yet, as I sit in my office, listening to NPR, I am updated constantly about the conflicts in Israel, Iraq, Africa, etc, and I just feel so ill-equipt to understand it all.

There are some questions that I didn't understand at the age of 15, such as the one above (or it's many variations...in general, the question of "why are some people motivated by 'good' and some by 'evil?') that I'm slowly beginning to realize I may never understand.

Perhaps it's because the question I'm asking is too general; "good" and "evil" are only meaningful or relevant in context of some more specific question. Actually, I'm certain of that...when I get into the specifics, I can see how things that first appear "evil" are more complexified (what's evil to one is good to another, etc). And there is definitely a difference between an "evil" act that is done to achieve some end that is "good" in the mind of the doer (such as a terrorist act) and an "evil" act that is done out of sheer pleasure in the act (such as rape and torture). I like getting into the specific derivations of the general "why are some evil?" question: why do some take pleasure in other peoples' pain? why is it easier for some to end human life than for others? in what ways do people convince themselves that an act that brings suffering to others is "good?"

I took a class in college called "Cruelty, Betrayal and Forgiveness." It was a Psych seminar, offered alongside another seminar titled "Love and Attachment." Love was full, so I took "cruelty" as my second choice. I thought, man, if there's anyone who can contribute little to this subject, it's me, because I have so little experience with anything even remotely cruel other than interpersonal stuff in social groups. After reading extensively on the subject, I still felt absolutely inept at processing the question of why some people take pleasure in others' pain by the end of the year, and continue to feel so now.

That brings me to the second part of my title ("some things never change")...i'm slowly beginning to realize that while there are some big, meta-questions that we slowly chip away at throughout our lives and eventually come to some answers about (such as, "what is my purpose?"), there are others that very well may elude me just as much when I'm 60 as they do now.

This theme has come up a bunch in the past week, don't ask me why...i think part of it is because I read this really interesting article from the Arts and Letters Daily website (it's AWESOME, check it out). The article argues that the culture of a typical american elderly home will bear a striking resemblance to that of a typical american high shcool; there's the "cool" group that sit in their corner of the cafeteria, the jealousy, the heartache, the breaking up and getting together, the secrets, and emotional highs and lows...

During this week, I've had conversations with friends, mostly about relationships, where one of both of us have asked, "Shouldn't we have gotten better at this through time?" or, more specifically, "Shouldn't I feel less (emotional, nervous, insecure) now that I'm older?" My answer to both myself and them has been: some things just won't change!

I think in the context of relationships, there are things that do change as you gain more experience, of course; for me, insecurity has dropped off somewhat as I've had more boyfriends/dating partners and just realized that, ok, these guys are not insane, there is something cool about me (i'm being a bit tongue in cheek here). Yet, there are certain aspects of the dymanic between potential romantic partners that I don't think will ever change: that nervous energy at the beginning, the honeymoon period, the questioning of whether it's "right," the pain of the break-ups...

It's slightly unsettling to think that I'll still be going through a permutation of this when I'm 40, but then again, it's slightly comforting as well...I know I can handle it. There WILL certainly be more complex factors to take into account once children, etc enter the mix (oh man...i cant' believe when she was my age, my mom was pregnant with my brother!!!), but I think a lot of my emotional landscape will bear a striking resemblance to my terrain at this moment...I suppose I've provided no supporting evidence for this prediction, you'll have to just take me at my word!

Ok, enough of this...I'm off to go on a hike in Hurricane Ridge with Shannon, Chris and Mike Shafer, I'm pumped...will take more pics for sure (have been on a pic kick lately, am loving it).

Seattle Lindy Exchange pics + thoughts on "ignorance is bliss"

2006-08-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

So, here are some pictures from the 6th annual "Seattle Lindy Exchange." For those of you who don't know, "lindy" refers to the "lindy hop," a form of swing dance that I've been doing a lot lately (you would have to be pretty oblivious to have missed this!). "Lindy exchanges" occur when a particular city decides to sponsor a weekend's worth of dances and social events to allow dancers from all over the country to meet each other, share some awesome dances, and just have fun!
Anna and I hosted 6 people from Oregon, Canada and Utah in our freshly painted apartment, and it really felt like a big sleepover! We ate cocoa crispies, marshmallow munchies, and cap'n crunch in the kitchen while talking about our lives and bonding over pop culture references...it actually felt a lot like the first weekend of college again! I love the part of my personality that comes out when i'm meeting new people...i get this natural high, this giddiness, and find myself generally enamored of whomever I meet. I think these kinds of events really bring out the best in people, as we search for common ground and connection.

A quick word on the images: I really like this picture (on the left) of Justin dancing with a popsicle in his mouth! I took it on Sunday afternoon when we danced outside at the Seattle Center...it was really hot, but the organizers provided yummy snacks (in the form of popsicles and ice cream sandwiches) so we survived...

Here's a picture of a new friend I made, named Matt, who lives in LA! We had lots of goofy dances...it's so cool how, after dancing for a while, you can appreciate the most subtle, funny thing someone does. Matt would do some really "micro" movements, then throw in something a little crazy or jerky, and we'd both just laugh. I think creativity is one of the things i enjoy most in a dancer, plus a proclivity to laugh! It's fascinating to me how big of an effect personality can have on a dance, at least for me...I enjoy dances where you can detect a twinkle in your partner's eye, a playfulness or willingness to just have fun.

Well, at least, that's how i've been approaching dancing for a while...as a sort of lark, something I
do for fun, as a stress relief and way to meet people and rediscover a love for jazz music. Yet, as I've started dance more often, it's become something I'd like to study and "work on," and i'm not sure how I feel about that...I HATE the feeling of stagnation (that i'm not improving), but I also don't want to lose the effortless fun I have on the dance floor.

Last night, I invited over a dancer whose style and opinions I really admire and trust (Matt M) to look at dancing video clips and practice the fundamentals. Our friend Joe stopped by and gave his feedback as well, and it was just so fascinating to get down to the most rudimentary basics and see how the smallest change in posture could make an enormous difference in how I felt as a follow.

Yet...Joe was a bit cautionary when he heard I was going to start really practicing and trying to become more comfortable with the dance. He brought up the question of whether i really wanted to get into these specifics and warned me that "ignorance is bliss." He predicted that as I discover more of the nitty gritties of the dance, my estimation of what is "good" both in my own dancing and in the dancing of others will change and "social dancing will never be the same" (ie I will not be able to enjoy dancing with "bad" dancers anymore because i'll be aware of all the little things they are doing "wrong").

Yet, call me naive or wildly optimistic, but i just don't see that happening with myself. Firstly, because he predicted it, I now want to prove him wrong! I always want to be the exception to these sorts of social rules...if most dancers become more "snobby" or exclusive as they improve, i want to be that one that continues to be friendly towards everyone. Plus, that's just always been my personality, and I can't see that changing as my dancing improves, yet...

And yet, I am a bit worried about delving deeper into "the scene," because I want to continue to be a well-rounded person (not that I think there is anything wrong with being deep rather than wide - I just have always had so many interests that I can't bear to give up some, like soccer, for others). I have already noticed that my interest in dancing has left me less available to see my many nondancing friends and family, and I also want to remain available for interesting volunteer opportunities that may come up (I have been chatting with a woman who works at a correctional facility in the women and family unit, which sounds really fascinating).
I suppose, like most things, there will be no one right answer...i just have to remember to keep my life in balance!

Oh, and i couldn't resist putting this last picture in...it's of Anna and her friend's baby...how cute is Anna, and the baby? Anna got those amazing sunglasses at Fred Meyer on our way to the Golden Gardens park on Saturday...pics from that to come soon!!!

Seattle Lindy Exchange!

2006-08-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

Text to come; for now i'm just posting some pics!

BBQ pics #2

2006-08-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

Well, i still haven't figured out how to post more than 4 pictures in one entry...anyway, here you have a flying monica in our backyard, then a happy massage circle in the living room, then some fun tinted pics of Anna and Darla eating and me, Brian and Anna goofing off in the backyard! I LOVE MY NEW HOUSE and the crazy people i've met through swing dancing!

Newly painted kitchen and BBQ #1

2006-07-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

Anna and I hosted a BBQ in honor of Phil, who's moving back to the east coast on Thursday (naughty!!). It also served as a bit of a housewarming party, as we'd JUST finished painting the kitchen bright green, blue and pink, as well as the other decorating projects i posted earlier!
Here you can see all the colors of our kitchen; anna and I pose as hostesses; then the boys hang out in the kitchen; then there's Phil, Anna and I goofing off!

July 29 - Cousin Lizzie's Wedding!

2006-07-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

It was pretty much a perfect day for an outdoor wedding- not too sunny, not too hot or cool, not too many people but enough for it to feel very festive (250 showed up, i believe)...I had a blast at this wedding! Pictured here are the newlyweds from March (Shelly and Kev), then the Bride, Lizzie and husband Mark, and then Brian and I (before going crazy on the dance floor), and finally the bouncy castle, where we all played and Brian and I danced!

Boston Pics (out of order)

2006-07-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

Here are pics from when my bestest buddy Kate (from Boston, whom I met at Vasasar) visited over July 4th weekend! You'll see me in a Kate sandwich (with other bestest buddy Kate Uvelli, with whom i've been friends since high school) at Volunteer park, then a pic of futuristic Vancouver (where Kate and I ate gelato at a place that had 100 flavors, including pear/gorgonzola/pine nut and balsamic vinegar!), then one of me, Kate and her friend Erin who happened to be in town on Queen Anne Hill with the Seattle skyline in the background. Finally, we have Kate on Alki beach! Not pictured are: a fantastic strawberry and raspberry picking trip, a walk around the University of Washington campus, shopping in Fremont, swing dancing, and lounging around my apartment!

New Apartment: outside view, Freya (cat), Anna (roomate), paint

2006-07-26T09:46:00.000-07:00

This is our new apartment from the outside! Anna and I live on the bottom floor (with the bay window) and Byron and Phil live on the top floor (but Phil will leave soon...so sad!). We have both a front yard and back yard, which will be lovely for BBQs.

This is my awesome roomate, Anna, and her ADORABLE cat named Freya! We have been having such a good time painting the house, hanging out, and talking until the wee hours of the night...we're looking forward to having some BBQs, cookie parties, and maybe even starting a "movie club" or "book club" for our swing dancing friends to encourage us to bond over something other than dancing!

So, we painted the living room and entryway "arabian sand," as you can see in the previous post; I painted my room a dusty rose and Anna painted hers a light blue. We decided that after having such a mature living room, we needed to have a BRIGHT and fun kitchen, so we went shopping and came out with a lime green, bright blue and bright pink (think: caribbean house on the beach).

As you can see by Anna's wine glass on the table, our trip to Loews could be interpreted by some as evidence of "drunk shopping," but I assure you that 1) we had already decided upon our general color scheme before the trip, and 2) as usual, I did not partake in the alcohol consumption (although one could argue that i was on a "sugar high" after the 3 "low-fat" ice cream sandwiches I ate prior to our departure)...good times!

New Apartment Pics!

2006-07-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

This month I've been busy moving into my new apartment in south capital hill! Here are the pics of the living room and my bedroom; my awesome roomate Anna and I painted the living room "Arabian Sand" and I painted the bedroom a dusty rose. Coming soon: pics from the outside, one of anna and i, and a brief appearance by our beloved cat Freya (ooh, did I say "our?" technically, she belongs to anna, but she lives in my heart, now, too!).

Oh, and for those of you who wondered (ahem...i already received an email directed at this topic), the yellow object on my bed is COPPERTONE SUNSCREEN (yellow bottle with a pink top)! You people and your dirty minds.

"Reflexive" -or- "Storytelling #2: the importance of laughter (preferably self-directed)"

2006-07-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

So, I'm a very reflexive writer, if you didn't notice (ha!). Technically, reflexive in the sense that I am using it means "self-directed." I remember that reflexive anthropology was one of my favorite topics in my Anthropological theory class, because it served as such a refreshing departure from the idea of the anthropologist as a "detached, objective observer." In reflexive anthropology, the anthropologist must be self-aware of his/her own biases, preconceived notions, etc etc when making observations about a culture...

Anway, I know lots of people deplore reflexive writing because it can be very tiresome to tread through the disclaimers ("maybe it's just because i'm from middle class suburbia, but..." or "well, i probably only think this because i was never fed pizza as a child, but..."). I definitely agree, but i have shrug my shoulders and proceed with it regardless. Above all I hold "truth" as my guide, and my truth is that there are no thoughts without the brain, and the brain is a very specific, individualized, biased entity; it simply must be acknowledged as confounding factor when one tries to make generalized statments (which i just made...so i should technically insert a reflexive statement here...wait i think that fragment in itself constitutes a reflexive statement...see how it's easy to get tedious here?).

Anyway, I actually started off with the idea that I'd tell you about a recent event I attended in Seattle's Belltown called the "Salon of Shame." Check out the Stranger article for more info about it - anyway, the idea is that a bunch of writers get together and excise the demons of their bad writing from the past by reading their "most mortifying" writing samples to an audience of enthusiastic voyers. The writing samples can be anything from 10th grade diary entries about one's first sexual encounter to 4th grade essays on world peace to one's poetry written for a college class (that seemed sooo deep at the time).

Firstly, the whole idea of "embarassing" oneself in an organized way is sort of funny - can embarrassment truly arise in a context in which one is willingly putting oneself "out there?" I was immediately drawn to the event because I absolutely love so-bad-it's-good writing, but I was afraid it may have drawn people who were more interested in attention*** than joining in a collective love of shame-worthy writing (***I love attention - i don't mean to imply that getting attention is a problem, but when it is one's primary goal, it's often-times obvious to the audience and thus less funny/poignant).

Oh, but I was wrong! How happy I was to be wrong. This event...ROCKED. I haven't laughed that hard in a loooooong time! At first, I was nervous because the initial few readers' topics were very sexual and written in the 15-20 age range, whereas my entry was written when I was 11 years old. However, to assuage my fears, a girl came up and read her essay about whales which she had written when she was in 4th grade. Now, i don't remember it word for word, but here is an excerpt from what i can recall:

"there are 3 kinds of whales: humpback, sperm, and orca. which is your favorite? if you said orca whale, you are wrong! the orca whale is not a whale. it is a dolphin. the orca dolphin was discovered by lewis and clark on the snake river in idaho. the orca dolphin can swim up to 35 miles an hour, which is faster than most bicycles."

I cannot possibly relate to you how funny it was to hear this twenty-something girl read this essay. Soooooo funny! A lot had to do with context - we were at this awesome, tiny theater (i believe the max capacity is 70) and everyone was laughing freely and clapping people on. Ooh, and there was a sign-language interpreter, which made essays such as "how to give a blow job" very very entertaining!

I read a story and poem I had written in my diary when i was 11 about a love triangle which ultimately wound up in me and Adam becoming "boyfriend girlfriend." People laughed SO hard, i was totally surprised and delighted! i think what killed them the most was that i was writing in such a sort of adult-like way about these issues, yet i was 11. It's hard to believe that kids think about those things back then, but they do! Ooh, i should publish the poem on the blog, i don't have it at the moment but it's definitely classic.

Anyway, I think we all agreed that the cherry on the top of the event was a 50-something man coming up and reading 3 love letters which he himself had written, pretending to be a girl named Kelly whom he really loved in high school. The letters detailed the good times, their tumultuous fights, their subsequent reconciliations...and just the way he reflexively described the time in his life when he wrote these was classic.

I will definitely be going to this event again!

In general, to relate this back to the idea of reflexivity, I think it's important to identify those moments when it's important to not take oneself too seriously, and reflexive storytelling can definitely be one of those moments. The "Salon of Shame" event is an intrinsically reflexive experience, because the idea is that we are reacting to our writing, distinguishing which are the most "mortifying" pieces, but through accepting them as embarassing or "bad," we allow ourselves to laugh without judgement...does this make sense?

Anyway, it doesn't even have to make sense. It doesn't have to have a point! (one of my fave movie quotes: "it doesn't have to have a point - it's candy!" from charlie and the chocolate factory). It's just good old fashioned fun. Writing and storytelling are fun! I'm so glad i got into a job where i can encourage a love for these forms in kids!

Storytelling #1: the (imaginary) audience

2006-07-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

At work lately, we've been discussing the idea of transformative storytelling. In general, the concept refers to the idea that the narrator/creator is changed through the act of telling a story (in our case, we're talking about digital storytelling).

When I first read about the idea in these words, it made sense in my gut (me being a recovering diary-addict). I can recall many times where I'd sit down to write in my diary, bothered by a particular problem or issue - for example, let's say a friend made a biting remark to me at the lunch table. Through writing down the complaint, I'd often realize that the issue seemed trite or childish, or would be inspired to consider possible alternate explanations (was the friend feeling insecure about something? had i said something to them earlier?). It appeared that the mere act of putting the thoughts into words and onto paper inspired me to frame my life in a more balanced way that had I just allowed the thoughts to stew in my brain.

Why was this? Well, we have to get into the specifics a bit for the probable explanation to emerge. My theory is that it's not the act of putting the words on paper that inspired me to think differently, but fact that the act of writing intrinsically inspired a sort of self above the self, who reacted to what I was writing. In other words, there was the "me" that was having the thought or emotional reaction to the event and recording that as such, and then there was the "me" that served as the audience - in effect, there was Cheryl as "writer" and Cheryl as "reader."

So, whenever storytelling is involved, even when there is an intended audience, the "self" audience is really primary, or in the "front row" so to speak (yaaay, metaphors). The interesting thing I've found through journal or diary-writing (and, to be clear, i haven't done much actual diary writing since pre-college; the blog counts in a way, but it's differnet due to there being a wider intended audience than just myself) is that the "self" as reader tends to be an idealized self. As I react to what I've written, I prompt myself to be better, more fair, deeper, and wiser. And, the weird thing is...as I write the more balanced and fair accounts, I actually end up becoming that person I'd like myself to be...amazing!

One of my bosses, Phil, mentioned this as being one of the things he's noticed with the Bridges students over the past 5-6 years as he's done these storytelling projects. He observes that as they kids tell their stories, they tend to inflate aspects of their lives, and through that act they start seeing themselves and their lives in a different, more positive light.

Because we have our students create the stories with an intended international audience, that adds a whole new dimention to the "audience" issue. Now, the "reader" is not only the self, but is a group of one's peers in drastically different cultural contexts around the world. This makes the whole "self" audience a bit more complexified, because as the kids create their stories, they imagine the reactions of their peers as well, and start seeing themselves differently.

Firstly, of course, they see what they take for granted - when explaining what "lacrosse" is to a group of kids enamored with soccer in the Tibetan Children's Village in india, for example, a group of Seattle students might recognize how much physical content goes into their game. Through watching a story about the lengths that children go through in Kenya to gather water, the kids at the Tibetan Children's village might be grateful for the water that flows through their pipes. Through watching a story about how alcoholism tore apart a family in the US, the Kenyan kids might see their family structures in a new light.

Anyway, this is all just very interesting stuff to me, and I hope you enjoy my ramblings on the subject as well!

ok, i admit it, i AM a girl after all!

2006-07-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

After being incredibly proud of my athletic achievements and generaly ungirliness for years, I have come to terms recently with the fact that I am, in fact, and girl, and thus am attracted to shiny objects like dresses and shoes (resistance is futile!!!).

Here's my most recent indulgence: a vintage dress from ebay! I can't wait to wear it dancing!!

June 2006 - more "Stompology" pics

2006-07-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

There was a guy at the event taking "real" pictures, so I only have a few more...the first is of the amazing Michelle, me, and my new friend Lizza as we set up for the event. The second two are of Andy and a Canadian guy practicing a really cool move - hard to capture on film! The last is of some cool signs I saw at the airport (while i waited for 4 hours in Atlanta!). Someday soon i'll get some actual pics of myself dancing!

June 2006 - Boston and New York

2006-07-06T10:10:00.000-07:00

I pose with Josh Schachter, with whom I gave a presentation at a "Gathering of Digital Storytellers" at MIT in Boston. We talked about Storyboarding Strategies and showed some pieces from our organizations, and people seemed to really like it! The event was incredibly inspirational and made me really proud of my work.

Since I was on the east coast already, I decided to tack on a trip to my old stomping grounds in Rochester, NY (where i lived from summer to winter of 2004). I reunited with my original swing dancing teachers and friends at an all solo dance weekend event called "Stompology" - it was amazing!

The pics are of: 1) everyone practicing a solo blues routine; 2) the late night at the "lindy compound;" 3) Michelle, my amazing hostess and bestest buddy, and I at the late night!

May-June 2006 pics - Lindy Hopping in Seattle

2006-07-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

Adrienne and I pose at a practice we organized (with Brian) at Brian's place in Beacon Hill; then, Phil, Lizzie, Alex, Darla, Brit, Chris, Byron, Monica and I dance at Westlake park to promote the Seattle International Film Festival!

Oregon, June 2006 pics continued (#2)

2006-07-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

Here are some of Brian and the adorable Adrienne making sand castles, then Darla and Brit and Brian and I dancing on the beach! You can't get a group of Lindy Hoppers together without having them dance....

Oregon 2006 pics continued

2006-07-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

Here are some more pics from our "mortal combat" poses above the beach. Then, we have one of Mike and his "angels" - me, Brit and Darla! Then, there's Shan, Chris and I in a hug sandwich! Lastly, we have Brian and Darla duke it out...i love these pics!

Oregon pics - June 2006!

2006-07-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

I took a group of friends from swing dancing and regular life (hehe) to my grandparents' cabin in Manzanita, Oregon! The first pic is from when we stopped at a "lookout point" and took some awesome jumping "mortal Combat" pictures - Mike and I battled it out! The second is of Brittany climbing rocks at "Hug Point," near Cannon Beach on the Oregon coast! Then, we have Mike, Brian, Brittany and Darla posing in the water after some intense frolicking :-)

Clemency

2006-06-08T23:01:00.000-07:00

Clemency: (noun)
1. A disposition to show mercy, especially toward an offender or enemy. See Synonyms at mercy.
2. A merciful, kind, or lenient act.

I've been meaning to write this since last week, but have felt I could never do the subject justice...well, now I'm sure that time will never come, so I'll just give it my best shot.

Last week, my coworkers and I were part of a tremendous event called "Worlds Apart, HeARTS Together," which brought 6 middle schoolers from Capetown, South Africa (along with their drama teacher) to various Seattle schools 3 weeks of intercultural dialog, workshops on tolerance and reconciliation, and some good old fashioned song/dance/fun! (for more info, see http://www.bridgesweb.org/NewFiles/about_events.html)

They came as representatives from the Amy Biehl Foundation (http://www.amybiehl.org/). Amy Biehl was a Fulbright scholar from the US who chose to work in South Africa to help register voters and assist with the reconcilation efforts in the early 1990s. She was murdered during a mob, and her murderer was later granted amnesty.

After the trial (and I'm not sure exactly how this happened), Amy's mother Linda forgave and reconciled with her murderers, and today she travels around with one of them to give powerful talks/workshops on the topics of forgiveness, tolerance, peace and reconciliation.

The foundation works to educate and engage youth in South Africa in hopes that their future will be one of peace rather than conflict. The 6 students who came here had been participating in an after-school drama program, and are also amazing musicians who bring laughter wherever they go! Despite being jetlagged, they participated with vigor in a week chock-full of activities, and were a daily inspiration.

I don't know what to say...the story really speaks for itself. I can't imagine a more powerful message of forgiveness than this story provides. I was familiar with the word, "clemency" before this event, but I never quite knew what it meant other than something vaguely peaceful. It makes me feel so good to know that our language holds a word for the specific purpose of denoting a proclivity to showing mercy particularly towards one's offender.

This is, of course, very relevent today, as just this morning we received news that the US forces had killed Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. There's a very interesting article on CNN showing an interview with Michael Berg, the father of a man killed by al-Zarqawi (http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/06/08/berg.interview/index.html). His personal philosophy, which I tend to agree with, is that every human life has some inherent value and that there is no use in celebrating any death.

At our Town Hall event last Saturday, a man from South Africa spoke powerfully about the gravity of the situation there, and how much anger he has about it...yet, as he said, seeing the south african children perform their national anthem along with students from Seattle gave him hope and made him smile. I loved how he made sure that we knew he was still angry, but could smile through his anger.

That's where I am right now as well...I see so much to make me hopeful in the faces of our students, but I have to be careful to retain the sense of gravity so I can harness it, so it can serve as an inspiration to keep doing the little I can to help make the world a tiny bit better.

I'm so absolutely thrilled to have ended up working with an incredible nonprofit...we still have so much more we can do, and it drives me every day. I keep thinking, "how can we do it better? when will it be enough?"

I don't know how to inspire people to act..for a long time, words like "peace" and "tolerance" seemed so vague, like "self-esteem" or "try hard," something you'd see on the posters adoring your school walls.

Duh, peace is important, you know? That's what I'd think...but, I don't know, something about getting older, or exposing myself to more of the world or the news or something, has made those abstract ideas hold a lot more weight. I remember as a kid, hearing adults say things like, "you can do anything, be anything, you are the future," and I was like, yeah, but what do i do? i mean, literally, what do i do? There were so many options...

I was talking with a teacher from St. Louis the other day who wants to do a similar digital storytelling program to what we do (www.bridgesweb.org) and she told me about this amazing project she has her 6th graders do. They pick a topic of interest, a problem in their community, and write a research paper about it. Then, they make an "action plan" about how they can do something to help alleviate that problem and implement it. Then, they write a report to a local congressman/woman and include their research paper and a write-up of their experiences and ask them to take further action.

How amazing is that? I remember feeling like i had so much potential as a child, but didn't know where to put it...to have them focus on just one issue and actually take action is simply brilliant.

Anyway, I suppose I've meandered away from my original focus. I suppose I could frame the clemency showed by Linda biehl as one of many sources of inspiration to me lately. Now, if only I could make a pill that could allow me to feel well-rested without sleeping every night, I could do more to become a source of inspiration myself!

I've been "busy" lately, meaning I tell people I'm "busy" and can't do things because I'm too "busy," and I don't like that feeling...well, i should clarify: I like always doing things, but I don't like having to say "no" to anything that sounds meaningful or interesting. Ahh, such is life! Who doesn't have this dilemma?

Scintillating

2006-05-31T22:19:00.000-07:00

"Scintillate: v to sparkle, either literally or figuratively"

Jonathan Safran Foer's latest novel, "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close," is absolutely scintillating. It will only frustrate me to try to put into words just how...honest, interesting and true to life the characters in this book are...All I can say is: when I read this book, I want to be it. I want to consume it, pitch a tent and set up a home within it. I want to curl up into a little ball and become the dot on the letter "i" on page 156. I don't want to stop, even for sleep, one of my all time favorite activities!

It's been a while since I enjoyed reading a book so much, and it's not even that the book is gripping at all on a plot-basis...i mean, i'm curious as to what will happen and there is a mysterious element, but mostly i just enjoy the act of reading this book...since it's written in a very personal tone, reading it is an experience in and of itself, aside from the process of digesting the ideas contained within it.

Ok ok i'll let it speak for itself...here's a passage where the main narrator, a precocious 9 year-old who's on a mission to find a lock to fit a key his deceased father left behind, is speaking to an elderly gentleman who lives above his Manhattan flat. As the boy looks around the flat, he notices that the old man has a collection of rocks with tags labelling where each came from:

"That was so fascinating, but one weird thing was that there were lots of bullets on the mantel, too, and they didn't have little pieces of paper next to them. I asked him how he knew which was which. ' A bullet's a bullet's a bullet!' he said. 'But isn't a rock a rock a rock?' I asked. He said, 'Of course not!' I thought I understood him, but I wasn't positive, so I pointed at the roses in the vase on the table. 'Is a rose a rose a rose?' 'No! A rose is not a rose is not a rose!' And then for some reason I started thinking about ' Something in the Way She Moves,' so I asked, ' Is a love song a love song?' He said, 'Yes!' I thought for a second. 'Is love love?' He said, 'No!' He had a wall of masks from every country he'd been to, like Armenia and Chile and Ethiopia. 'It's not a horrible world,' he told me, putting a Cambodian mask on his face, 'but it's filled with a lot of horrible people!' "

Ugh, I'm sure that out of context that makes no sense, and i sort of hate myself for just leaving it out there like that, but i had to share it with the hope that someone else may be convinced to read the book as well! It's actually my book club book for this month, so I'm looking forward to a...scintillating discussion (which, i hope, will not be arcane...har har).

I have to also say that one of my favorite aspects of the book is that the main character is always inventing things (anything from a bed that had a cavity for your elbow so you could cuddle without having your arm go to sleep to a system where your skin changed color according to your mood so people could be more attuned to each other). It's such a subtle, childlike thing, but it just tickles me...it brings back a creative side I think I sort of lost somewhere along my educational track, where i sought to back up every statement with supporting evidence. "Wouldn't it be cool IF...?" is a really fun mental exercise!

Anyway, yeah, i can't come close to describing just how cool this book is...

Arcane

2006-05-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

So, I like words. When I'm writing, I generally aim to keep my prose simple and to the point, but lately I've been so often at a loss for just the right word to express what I'm feeling that I've turned more and more to online vocab resources such as "dictionary.com" and "thesaurus.com!"

I've decided a fun way to continue this blog will be to choose new words (or words that I recognize but am not completely comfortable with) and relate them to something in my life. I hope this won't come across as overly formulaic; I figure as long as you're taking the time to sit and read my thoughts, you might as well learn something useful, eh?

So, today's word is "arcane." Englishtest.net says it means, "obscure; secret; mysterious" and Answers.com gives two definitions: "Known or understood by only a few" or "Difficult to explain or understand."

After a brief search, I've noticed that the usage of "arcane" seems to be relegated more in the "known by a select few" rather than "mysterious or difficult to understand" realm. However, the second definition ("mysterious") is really what relates to my life right now.

Firstly, I must say that life is incredibly peachy for me right now - in fact, a major reason that I haven't been blogging is just that life has been so rich and full for me lately! I simply haven't had the time nor incentive to digest/process it at the keyboard. I'm doing a job i feel incredibly passionate about and my tasks are a really good match for my skills; i'm dancing a ton and have even been starting to help coach a U-14 girls' soccer team; i've had time to see family and friends and even, as the pictures showed, went on a week-long trip for work which made me feel very important! In general, I'm going with the flow of life, and it's all good.

Yet, I've been finding aspects of my emotional terrain (specifically relating to matters of the heart) to be "arcane," in the "mysterious" sense, as of late! The whole concept of selfness is really trippy, when you think about it...i went through this whole fascination with selfness my junior year in college when i was taking 2 psych courses, intro cog sci and philosophy (if that won't turn your world upside down, in the "i'm rethinking all my assumptions about who i am and what the world is like," i don't know what will!).

So, what is the self? Who am I? I'm brain, i know that, meaning that if you went around and tweaked some synapses in my frontal lobes here or there, i would surely "be" a different person...i'd feel different things, react differently to situations, etc. I think we all love to hold this idea of "selfness," that there is an essential "cheryl" out there somewhere; i think there is, in the sense that i was born with certain dispositions, but i believe it's all firmly rooted in the brain.

Anyway, the cool thing about brains is that they somehow allow us the ability to feel "meta-cognition," or the thought that we are having thoughts. This is what makes us think we are a "self" outside our bodies, right? Anyway, so the whole topic of the self is always a bit funny to me, because i feel like saying "I am finding myself arcane" would imply i think that there are two cheryls: the cheryl who is saying the statement, and the cheryl to which the stater is referring, but really we're one entitity, held within this strange collection of organs and bones that we call the body.

Oh my god, i sound insane. Please, nobody show this to any of my old professors at Vassar, they'll get depressed and think i never learned anything! Hehe.

Anyway, so "arcane." Yeah. "Mysterious." When i get into these thought loops and start questioning everything, it makes answering the simplest question a bit of a chore. "Hi, Cheryl, how are you feeling today?" to a normal person would solicit a "fine" response, whereas when i get into these thoughtful states, it might spark an entire day's worth of mental fodder...so, you can imagine, when the questions get more complex, my brain starts to hurt!

A couple friends and i are currently debating some stuff regarding romance and the human heart, mine in particular. I'm finding it more difficult than usual to answer the question, "What is it that you want?" What am I "looking for?" What do I think is "right" for this time in my life? in relation to romance and relationships. I don't have as much of a desire to experience another intense "fall" (into love) at the moment; perhaps this is due to having more than my share of great loves in the past (seriously, i am not exaggerating here; i've been loved so well, my past boyfriends all deserve trophies...multi-leveled trophies!). Yet, I'm not really into being "single" as some sort of intrinsically meaningful experience, either. And dating can be super fun, but it also really pushes the boundaries of my okness with ambiguity...

So, I don't have clear answer to the question, "what do you want right now?" Someone asked me that the other day, and all i could say was, clarity. Regardless of where i am; clarity about how i feel, and clarity about how i feel about feeling that, and clarity about how my romantic interest(s) feel(s).

So, to get back to my vocab idea: I'm finding my emotional state regarding romance/dating arcane precisely due to it's ambiguity. It's mysterious and hard to understand that I really have no preference other than to have clarity, you know? But perhaps that's a good thing...that i don't have a clear vision of what i want? I've certainly seen people became very disappointed after their perfect vision of what they want/need in their lives doesn't emerge. Who knows! Why should i assume that it's a good thing to have a clear opinion? I don't know!

On an interesting aside, when you look up just the word "arcane" under Google, the third result wil be a link to "the Arcane school," where you can get training on "new age discipleship...(it is) a correspondence school presenting the principles of the Ageless Wisdom through esoteric meditation, study and service as a way of life." Perhaps they have a potential student in their midst? Or, perhaps, those sorts of schools serve if nothing else to just allow people to feel ok with not knowing how they feel?

One last note: if you google the phrase, "what does arcane mean?" your third result will be a link to a blog boy someone called "The crochet dude," which i find very giggle-inducing. Check it out! http://thecrochetdude.blogspot.com/2006/05/arcane.html

More New Mexico Pics

2006-05-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture one of the workshop participants took of me when we hiked to the top of "Chimney Rock," near the ranch! The workshop concept started a while ago when Phil Borges (founder of the nonprofit) decided to teach local indigenous kids in developing countries to use digital cameras and share their stories with kids in the Seattle area schools. As it started growing, he realized it would be great to train other photographers or cross-cultural enthusiasts to help facilitate the process and "mentor" the kids. So, in New Mexico, the organization took 15 people to come work in a class of about 12 kids on a mult-media piece; the kids took all the pictures and wrote/recorded the narration for the piece, which was about their conflict between whether to stay in their area or leave town. The workshop also provides photography/photoshop training for people who don't have a background in photography but are excited about the potential for storytelling. Anyway, it was great!
I enjoyed learning how to use my dad's camera - this is a shot I took on that same hike on Chimmney rock!
I love the lighting on this one!
Here's one of my favorite shots - it's from the last day in the classroom. I don't remember what we were talking about but it was obviously very funny! Phil, who founded Bridges, is pictured on the right.

New Mexico "Bridges to Understanding" workshop!

2006-05-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been forever since I've blogged, mostly due to being super busy doing fun stuff at my new job! Here are some pics from a digital storytelling workshop we did with a group of high schoolers in the Chama Valley in northern New Mexico...

Here is Camille, a gregarious senior in high school who wants to be a dental hygenist and major in Spanish and Chinese! She's standing on this cliff near a local lake which used to be much higher before a recent drought.

Here is Michael, a professional photographer, mentoring Joseph, the son of a rancher who wants to have his own ranch someday. When we made the multi-media piece, he narrated a section on the choices people who want to ranch have. He said there is not much money in it these days, especially due to a drought, so he's going to move away for a while to make money, then come back and buy up some land.

Here's the ranch where we stayed - it's called Ghost Ranch and it's where Georgia O'Keefe spent time painting!
Here's the view from the top of "Chimney Rock" near the ranch!

Sun

2006-04-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

Today
was
BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I have a theory about Seattle-ites, and I suppose it really just is an extension of the general concept of relativity, but the theory is that because we have so many degrees of rainy and cloudy days, we truly appreciate our sun breaks and sunny days way more than the average person!

Today, the first truly warm/sunny day of the year, there was just a bounce in my step...perhaps it's from living in new york for a few years, but I often get this strong sense of dejavu in the spring, with all the smells of flowers and grass; it brings me back to the days of spring runs with the track team and sunny Saturday morning soccer games and lazy summer days on the lake with friends!

It's not just the sun that we appreciate, but the clouds as well! I had forgotten how lovely it is to watch the clouds change shades as it gets closer to nighttime...last night, my good friend David Levitt and I were driving home from the U district, across I-90 and Lake Washington, and were totally struck silent by how deep and darkly blue the sky and water were...

I LOVE living here!

Saying Goodbye

2006-04-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

So, today I said goodbye to my aunt Carol Lynn, who's going back home to Holland tomorrow. She came not only to see my sister get married, but also to say goodbye to our family. She's been struggling with Lou Gehrig's disease for almost a year, and it's finally progressed deeply enough into the vocal area that she relies on alternate modes of communication, such as writing things down on paper or using a cool machine she has that "speaks" after she types in sentences. This is her on the left with my cousin Max, when they went up to Paradise on Mount Rainer with my aunt and uncle. I love her moose hat! I went to the mall this morning and got her a really cool beaded belt, because she's been losing weight really rapidly (due to not being able to eat most foods), and it felt really surreal...it felt like I was going to give her something for her birthday, but really, it's more like giving her something to say goodbye...an unbirthday...I wrote her a letter and, again, I was saying all those things you normally say to someone on their birthday because it's an excuse to put your appreciation for someone into words, but I couldn't shake the knowledge that it was really a letter to say everything I wanted to say before she dies.

I've thought and talked with friends/family about the question of whether you'd like to know when you're going to die. In a way, it's a blessing for her to know approximately when you're going to die because it allows you the time and space to say all that you want to say to people in your life and do things you've always wanted to do, and for everyone in your life to make peace in whatever way they desire. There's nothing sadder at a funeral than the sense that you wish you could have said x, y, or z. Carol Lynn and I discussed this a little when I visited last fall; she was able to take classes she'd been putting off and make amends with people because she knew there wasn't an infinite amount of time in which to do so (which there isn't, really, for any of us, we just are in a position to ignore that fact).

Yet, and she's said this as well, on a selfish level of course it would be easier for us all if we just died totally unexpectedly. She mentioned this in a recent email - it would be so much easier to just get hit by a car than to have to witness your body failing, go through the frustrations every day, hour, minute. I think the worst part of what she's going through must be the incongruous feeling of having your brain be the same, still having the same thoughts and feelings and reactions, but not being able to interact with the world in the way in which you've been accostomed for over 50 years (talking, laughing, etc) because of the body's failings...it would be one thing to know you were going to die in one week or one month so you could quickly make amends and perhaps see something you'd always wanted to see, but to know you are going to die sometime soon, but it's not clear exactly when, and that you will have to witness you body slowly failing, that's just, well, hard, to say the obvious.

Yet, I can't think of her and dwell on the negative, because she's just been so courageous and strong throughout this...which isn't to say she's denied the negative, because she's also been refreshingly honest! But, she's absolutely done everything she could do on any given day...she went to Mt. Rainer with my cousins, came out SWING dancing with me at the Century Ballroom last wednesday (it was adorable, everyone thought she was my mom because she was taking pictures!), she saw the tulips in northern washington with my parents, etc. That's just her! She's always been so proactive, so ever ready to go anywhere or do anything in the name of fun...we went dancing quite a bit in Holland last fall, and I remember going to numerous arts and crafts fairs, musical performances, and other artsy events with her.

I told her this in the letter: there's a big artist within me that would very likely have been left on the sidelines during my young adulthood as I pursued soccer, running, and academic interests, but my interactions with her (whether they were for a full week during spring break or just a few hours over christmas) always sparked me to go back to my beads or my painting or listen to some world music or try a new form of dance...to me, she represents a life of passion and of art, and all the joys and frustrations that go along with the creative process, and above all honesty with oneself and others. She already did enough with her life to fill 100 years...I just hope that the remainer is as peaceful as possible, because she does not deserve to live in any sort of pain.

Taking Risks

2006-04-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

So, I was recently presented with a plethora of vocational options. The 2 biggest contenders were:

1) become a full time, long term staff member (Fiscal Specialist) at the UW Medical Center's Operations & Maintenance Department, where I've been temping on and off since June 2005, know and love most of the people I work with, will get full benefits and a solid salary, but the job itself would not be something I'm particularly interested in or passionate about, nor would the job lead me in any direction where I could find employment in a position that utilizes my unique skills, and it would require me to wake up at 6 am every day.....

2) become a Communications Guru with a nonprofit with whom I've been volunteering for just under a year as a grant-writer ("Bridges to Understanding" - www.bridgesweb.org - they connect children from developing countries around the world through digital stories/documentaries); the job itself is much less stable (only guaranteed 3 days a week for 6 months, but it should be noted that I'm employed as a freelance writer for a separate person for 2 days a month for 6 months as well), pays less and offers no benefits (but I do not need benefits until I turn 25 in September), but it is pretty much the ideal job for me...the nonprof is in an incredibly exciting period of transition, and as one of only 4 staff members I have the potential to tremendously impact their direction; the basic duties include responding to email/answering phones, coordinating international photography/cultural workshops, grant-writing, and generating/implementing marketing strategies, and they like my work so much that they are willing to be incredibly flexible according to whatever my schedule ends up being...

So, for a while I was leaning towards the Fiscal Specialist job...I mean, it pays about $2/hr more, is more stable, gives benefits, and I already know how to do the job, but then I realized what an insanely cool opportunity the (albeit riskier) nonprof job was. Not only would it combine my academic interests (anthropology/psychology/social justice) but it would just give me a reason to wake up every morning, you know? I'm lucky that I don't have kids or any huge expenses that force me to go with the more $, so I can choose the riskier option.

However, when I turn 25 and my incredibly generous parents stop paying my insurance and medical costs, I will have to make decisions based on financial matters. I decided to go with the nonprof for now because this is the last 1/2 year where I won't have to factor in an extra $400-500/month for insurance (if, in the worst case, my job doesn't provide it, it will be $194/mo until I turn 30 to stay on my parents'), prescriptions (at least $100/mo), and doctors' visits ($25/each, they fluctuate but i usually see a doc 3-5x a month).

Phew! What an intense period of decision-making that was, especially in lieu of my pretty much unexpected break-up and sister's majorly exciting but time-consuming wedding! The past 3 weeks have seen the greatest rate of change in my life for as long as I can remember...

So, it's been soooo exciting to work for Bridges (and, despite my frequent usage of "sooo," bridges is a legitimate nonprofit seeking to connect children across cultures through digital storytelling, not a teeny-bopper magazing), I could go on and on, but I'll just leave with one metaphor that occurred to me last night after I put in my first every 12 hour work day and we finished a particularly intense board meeting: parts of this job feel a lot like the experience of running the mile...while you're doing it, it hurts and you start wondering why you're putting yourself through it, but afterwards, it feels sooooooo good!

I don't think the metaphor works all around, because throughout the entire job I do feel an ultimate moral sense of purpose (whereas while running, the basic motivator was just my inherent competitiveness, and the conviction that as long as i was spending 2 hours a day doing something, i might as well do it well).

Regardless, I just can't describe how much the feeling of driving home at 9:15 last night after a solid day of work reminded me of taking those first steps after you cross the finish line, hands on your head (to keep your chest open and get more air, even when all you feel like doing is curling up into a ball), feeling that surge of adrenaline/endorphins, and the irresistable urge to smile...

Dance Dance Life Dance

2006-04-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh, I danced so much this weekend at the Western Washington Jazz Festival (mostly Lindy Hop, which is a form of swing dance, for those of you whom I haven't coerced into coming out to the Century Ballroom)...if my calculations are correct, I spent well over 20 hours social dancing and participating in workshops on various topics, such as Jazz Moves, Connection, and, of course, how to be a BADASS!

YES!

I have a little notebook full of technical details, but I think the most important thing I took from the weekend was the importance of relaxing, being natural, and having FUN rather than treating it as some sort of clinical thing...

I think it's easy when trying to pick up a new skill, especially a skill that involves teamwork with someone else, to overthink things and want to do everything just RIGHT all the time rather than just getting down to the basics, which are, in my case: following, and having fun.

One of my favorite moments was when Andy (drool!) (check out the site for he and his partner Nina - http://www.andyandnina.com/), an unbelievably fantastic dancer and warm person, said that if given the choice to dance with someone who is doing all the moves perfectly in a textbook, robotic way or someone who's having fun with the music and playing around but messes up occasionally, he'd much rather dance with the person who's at least putting themselves out there, being a little vulnerable, and having FUN!

It made me think of the importance of enthusiasm in life in general...I think if people see that you're putting your heart into something, they'll be more likely to give you a break, you know? I think this happened to me in college...I sometimes thought teachers might think I was smarter than I was just because I was so enthusiastic and curious about the subjects...I have noticed this on my subsequent jobs and volunteerwork experiences...attitude is everything, as my old soccer coach used to say!

I'm not feeling really well right now (didn't sleep enough this weekend on top of getting a little cold), but I want to ingrain these lessons into my head and, as corny as it sounds, live every day to the fullest!

Oh, and to those friends of mine who've been worried about me slipping into the swing culture past the point of no return (cough, shannon, cough), you might want to start actively keeping me back because i feel it happening...it's sucking me in! I love it!

Bad reviews

2006-03-29T15:11:00.000-08:00

So, I have a twisted fascination with reading scortching reviews, particularly of "bad movies," which I've yet to explore fully. I have often wondered exactly why a generally positive person such as myself would delight so in reviews of bad movies/art/books, and I haven't found an adaquate explanation, but I think it has something to do with the passion and zest I can sense in the author. Yes, people can get passionate about good movies/books/art, but the passion they get for bad ones is just much deeper and more interesting to me!

Today I read a gloriously scathing review of a book called "Our Town," about the "hidden history of white america," by Cynthia Carr...I'll copy two of my favorite paragraphs below and you can enjoy the rest at your leisure by going to: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/23/AR2006032301420.html

"In certain precincts occupied by certain members of the American intelligentsia, it has for some time been quite the fashion to ferret out racists in one's familial woodpile and then to write books about them. The ostensible purpose of these books is to provide intimate, confessional evidence of the degree to which racial prejudice has infiltrated every conceivable corner of American life. Their obvious if unstated purpose is to show how the (white) author has triumphed over his or her sordid ancestral inheritance to become a person of impeccable credentials on matters racial. Though all due modesty and claims of imperfection are expressed, the reader is expected to stand and cheer as, at book's end, the author's heroic achievement is revealed in full.

...it purports to tell what its subtitle calls 'the Hidden History of White America' by exploring how its author's grandparents may or may not have been complicit in, or at least friendly witnesses to, a horrific lynching in August 1930 in the small Indiana city of Marion. The unfortunate truth is that evidence of Carr's forebears' involvement in the atrocity is slender and shadowy at best, the raw material for a magazine article at most. In order to stretch it into what frequently seems the longest book ever written, Carr is forced to look elsewhere, especially to the Ku Klux Klan, the sordid past and present of which she examines endlessly without managing to add an iota to what we already know about it." -Jonathan Yardley, Washington Post

Classic parental unit shot

2006-03-28T22:16:00.000-08:00

Here are the parents, reluctantly letting go of their babies (both Shelly and Kev are the babies of their respective families)! The sunlight was falling just perfect as we took these pics.

Yay, family

2006-03-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

So, i haven't figured out how to put up multiple pics at once yet (if you didn't notice)...anyway, here's a fantastic one of my aunt Carol Lynn, Grandma, and my aunt Merry Ann! It was such a treat to have Carol Lynn come all the way from Holland for the wedding!

Sister power...

2006-03-28T22:09:00.000-08:00

Ummm, yeah, this is my sister and I at her freaking WEDDING...I barely recognize myself, thank god for make-up! Isn't she radiant? More pics to come - thanks to my cousin, Karin, for sending this lovely one!

Wedding pictures!

2006-03-26T16:04:00.000-08:00

Here's the first one that's come in - from right after the ceremony!

It pretty much speaks for itself, right?

Tears Smiles Tears WEDDING smiles!!!

2006-03-25T23:32:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh. I don't even know what to say, and that is saying a LOT for me...in my sister's euphoric words, the wedding day and all the preperations leading up to it were PERFECT!

I can't wait to have some pictures to share...for now, all i have are words...I think i'll always remember waking up at 8 am after a night of karaoke, hot tubbing and cartoon watching to hear my sister beseech me to come and "snuggle" with her on her wedding morning!

We pulled open her blinds and, lo and behold, the SUN was SHINING (in rainy March!), and my co-bridesmaid Stephanie came in and piled on the bed, and then my mom came in, and the day just started on such a happy note!

In the movies, the wedding day is always portrayed as complete chaos, with the mother of the bride freaking out over centerpieces and the bride yelling at her bridesmaids...I'd say we were prettty much the opposite of that, although we had just enough nervous tension to make the event seem real!

The bridesmaids all came over to our house and we took turns getting our hair and make-up done (we had gone for manicures/pedicures yesterday), and then we just had this freak-out moment at around 2 when we realized we had to actually go up to the church and get into our dresses!

We had all commented on what a cool, calm and collected bride michelle was, all week, but i think it really sunk in once she took a look at herself in her dress...we were all in a room together at the church and she just stared at herself in the mirror, as if she couldn't believe this was the day, and we all of course teared up! I love being a girl sometimes!

There's so much to say, wow, i can't even begin to summarize it now...we listened to oldies and got ready together, then michelle and kevin shared a special moment (with the photographer), and we took pictures outside in the BEAUTIFUL (but FREEZING cold) sunshine...one of my favorite moments was lining up outside the sanctuary and watching everyone else go down with Michelle, because she was getting emotional and she kept telling people not to look at her, and i was joking about how she should think of all the bad memories to make her stop crying from joy, and it's hard to describe but it was just really funny!

Walking down the aisle was a piece of cake this time (as opposed to shannon's wedding, where i totally lost it because it actually hit me she was getting MARRIED), but when i saw michelle walk down with my dad, then it really hit me...the fact that she's marrying kevin is awesome, but the fact that she'll no longer be just my little sister but also someone's wife is still taking a while to sink in. Seeing my daddy have to let go was so bittersweet!

Oh my gosh. I can't even begin to describe the way they were looking at each other. AHH!

The sermon was really interesting - I'm not Christian but michelle and kevin are both very serious about their faith, and i just got the best vibe from both the pastors they chose (one from his church, one from hers). They obviously both loved michelle and kevin very much, and i was so shocked to see them shaking a bit as they read their sermons...that made me tear up a bit for sure!

The funniest moment was when kevin misspoke while attempting his vows - i forget what he said but everyone laughed, and it just reinforced what a down to earth, happy couple they are!

The reception was just more joyful...I got to catch up with some family whom i haven't seen in a while (my older cousin Karin, whose wedding I was a FLOWER GIRL in, brought her 3 kids and awesome husband, and my other cousin/aunt who live in Holland came!), and bond with some of kevin's friends/groomsmen (we laughed a lot and bonded over quotes from BBC's "The office"), AND eat from an awesome pasta buffet, AND the SLIDE SHOW i made worked, AND the first dance with shelly and kev was adorable, AND my daddy and shelly dancing to "Godspeed" made me cry, AND the dance party rocked (especially with kevin's friend doing a Napolean impression), AND the toasts were eloquent, funny, and sincere, AND i can't believe my sister's freaking MARRIED, and it was seriously one of the best moments of my year so far!

I'm so glad i was able to be present for it, and i mean present in just being aware of the moment and not just letting it go by in a blur...it still went WAY too fast, but I feel i really made the most of every moment. I had wondered whether seeing all the happy people in love would make me just a little sad because suraj and i only broke up 2 weeks ago, but i was just so busy catching up with family and being happy for michelle that honestly i just felt very complete, as if nothing was missing (of course i have to give suraj some credit because we've done a good job of being friends, and i don't mean to imply that i feel perfect about the situation all the time, but it's worth noting that the break-up did not cause any negative effects on my enjoyment of the wedding).

AHH! My sister's married! This is so cool! Yeah, i went to vassar, yeah, i'm supposed to question all this mainstream stuff, marriage is just a contract on a piece of paper, blah blah blah, but come on, weddings are just inherently FUN, I LOVE big celebrations, and i think they serve a greater purpose than just making you feel happy for some moments in time...any milestone like a marriage just makes you think of things in the big perspective, right? Michelle and Kevin obviously felt so loved and uplifted by all the supportive people around them, and it just sort of reinforced their sense of community, and at least for me personally i felt a great sense of closeness with my immediate and extended family. Plus, even though i'm not religious, I do appreciate that side of it, and there was just this sense of purpose about it all...that really moved me!

Ok, yeah, and PLUS i looked HOT! Seriously, wait for the pictures, hehe! Michelle of course was the most radiant, but i think all the bridal party looked amazing!

Ok this is obviously deteriorating...i need to catch up on some serious sleep, but wanted to get this out of my system for a while! I love my sister so much, and Kevin is just such a great match for her...there are things i don't understand about where they come from (religiously), but just as people, I can't imagine two personalities better suited for each other! I have such a blast with them, and I can't wait til they move in to Kev's place in Seatac and i can come over and play Pictionary and play with all their new presents and be merry!

MY SISTER IS SO COOL! Did i mention that? How did i get so lucky? I used to tease her and be a terrible sister when we were young, and i am SO happy that now that we're older we are so close! She always gets the things that i think are funny and i love her laugh so much and she's so freaking SMART and I LOVE HER!

Monday Musings...

2006-03-20T21:16:00.000-08:00

I keep forgetting to tell people that I'm now working two part time jobs: 1) in the old office where i've been temping off and on since June 2005 (University of Washington Medical Center), and 2) as a freelance WRITER for the photographer Phil Borges, who founded "Bridges To Understanding" (www.bridgesweb.org), with whom I volunteered as a grant writer this summer!

On Mondays and Fridays I'm working on a book project with Phil called, "Stirring the Fire: Women Heroes from the Edge of the World." It will profile 25 women, mostly in developing countries, who've gone to heroic efforts to empower other women in 4 general areas: education, health, economics, and community involvement. For examples of Phil's portraits and other books, see this site: http://www.philborges.com/enduringspirit/esphoto00.html#

Anyway, the experience has just been wonderful...it's so satisfying to collaborate with someone who's passionate about what he's doing, and writing for me is just intrinsically rewarding! My work is basically to piece together the elements of each woman's story from various tapes, notes, and Phil's memory, and condense it into a 100-150 word profile to accompany each portrait.

It's been such a blast, and I feel incredibly lucky to be in a position to be paid to do what I love! In the past 2 years since college, I've been on a roll of asking anyone and everyone how she/he figured out "what to do with their life." One of the responses I got fairly frequently was to pursue something you love, and things will fall into place. I always rejected that strategy, believing it only applied to very lucky people. However, this experience has certainly been encouraging, and has inspired me to rethink my attitude! Perhaps I should go with the flow more? But then again, jobs with health insurance don't necessarily fall into place, do they?

At any rate, I've resolved to just enjoy the project and not worry too much about the future; tomorrow I have an interview at the Center for Human Development and Disability at the UW, where I'm very interested in working, and I'll continue to apply for jobs that spark my interest.

I'm keeping very busy with the writing and extra office work at the UWMC as well as finishing WEDDING plans this week, as my little sister's getting married in FIVE DAYS! It's insane!

Tonight we had some family time (Monday is my dad's day off, so we try to have dinner together) and conversed about what song my dad and Michelle should dance to at the wedding. We were trying to find the Dixie Chicks' "Landslide" but ended up accidently playing their version of the Lullaby "Godspeed," and we all agreed it was perfect...

We all bawled as my sister and dad danced around the kitchen in their PJs and socks...I just can't believe my baby sister is going to be a wife. We're not stressing too much about the wedding at this point - most of the nitty gritty work has been done - I think the magnitude of the event is just slowly hitting all of us.

Random 2006 pics continued

2006-03-17T02:15:00.000-08:00

After swing dancing for almost a year, i finally remembered to bring a camera to an event - this is of my friend Brian and I at the Portland Lindy Exchange a few weeks ago! The ballroom ("The Crystal Ballroom") had springs under the floors, it was amazing! There were dances not only from 8-12 (normal hours) but also from 12-6 am (crazy people hours!). I loved it. I danced so much, i literally dreamed of dancing every night!

2006 - random pictures

2006-03-17T02:13:00.000-08:00

This is my sister and I at one of her 4 wedding showers - isn't she glowing?

Random Ramblings + a word on DORKS!

2006-03-16T12:14:00.000-08:00

When you break up with a significant other, friends' reactions are often to the effect of, "Ooooooooh, i'm so sooorry, how are you doooooing?" I appreciate the concern, but I often feel compelled to present the less appreciated side of big transitions or just emotionally impactful situations, which is that they tend to inspire extremes of happiness as well as sadness.

For the past half week since Suraj and I broke up, I've found myself primed for not only more teary moments that usual, but also more delight in the small opportunities for joy (the sun reflecting off the water as i drive over the floating bridge, the smile from an anonymous staff member at the hospital, my sister's glowing pre-wedding state).

Additionally, i would even venture to say there is a self-"honeymoon period" that occurrs after a break-up, where you feel more energized and empowered...it's hard to put my finger on why this happens...i think perhaps part of it comes from relieving the burden of trying to force a relationship that is starting to lose it's steam.

In my particular case, Suraj and I are lucky because we decided to quit when the relationship was still fairly good - this leaves me with no bitterness or resentment towards him. Also, it's helpful for both of us that we are completely disinterested in analyzing the relationship or questioning anything about the break-up. It was very simple: we felt it was running it's course and it was time to end, period (due partially to internal factors as well as external ones, such as his desire to travel and possibly move away), but we still love each other and see no reason not to attempt a transition into a healthy friendship.

Perhaps it's the aforementioned theory's effects, but when i read the following, i was absolutely in hysterics; it's the result from a silly online survey proporting to designate someone's degree of "dorkiness." Check out my result:

"There is basically no hope for you. You are the guy/girl that is constantly laughing at yourself. In fact, you’re probably doing it right now. You can’t listen to someone in conversation without trying to work over what they are saying in your head to come up with some sort of witty comment or a way to relate it to real life situations, sit coms or a movie you’ve seen at least 35 times.

You enjoy practicing responses to seem spontaneous and quirky, but the levels of effort and awareness of your own awkwardness are off the chart which places you in the Full-on end of the Dork Spectrum. I’d say that you should think more about what you say before you say it, but you’d probably just be thinking of something witty to say and not really listen anyway. My best advice is to find someone who is just as Dorky as you and hold on to them. You will never find a better match than with another Full-on."

YES! Say it loud, I'm a dork and proud :)

How do you make love stay?

2006-03-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

How do you make love stay?

How do you make love stay?

How do you make love stay?

Must-see Basketball clip

2006-02-27T15:15:00.000-08:00

I can't resist including this; it's a clip from Rochester, New York, where I lived just over a year ago! The clip is of an autistic teen who was the towel-boy for a high school basketball team when the coach put him in for the final 4 minutes of the game...to see the miraculous ending, watch the tape!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBYPaNc57Ik

"When Teen Sex Education Goes too Far" (Boston Globe article)

2006-02-27T14:16:00.000-08:00

The topic of how to best go about educating children in the health domain has haunted and provoked me since my pre-pubescent years (anyone else remember the seminal VHS', "Growing up, Feeling Good" and "Am I Normal?").

Whose job is it to enlighten kids as to the birds and the bees - Mom and Dad? Schoolteachers? Peers? How much of a say should government have, if any (this becomes very tricky when condom education comes into play)? What separates the kids who want to please the parents/teachers from those who rebel, and how would one teach the "facts" about risky behaviors to a classroom full of kids on all sides of the spectrum?

The fact that Health and Sex Education classes are, from what I have observed, universally taken lightly is unambiguously wrong and, I'd go so far as to say, tragic. What other class contains facts that are absolutely guaranteed to apply to the rest of one's life? More importantly, how are teens to deal with the fact that they live in bodies that are biologically primed to be procreating at menstruation (in many cases, as young as 10-12)? Or, are their bodies simply confused - because of the increase in hormones in our diets, are their hormonal systems ready before their brains?

Obviously, this topic is colored by historical and cultural lenses, but their impact is bafflingly left out of the prevailing American discourses on the topic. What do the teen years mean? Certainly, anthropologically and historically we can see that most cultures have/have had a rite of passage ceremony, but none that i know of take as long as what we in America see as the "teen years." Are the "teen years" just a concept we created from our culture of excess, an extension of parental desires to protect their children, or perhaps an extension of the "feel good" movement?
I've yet to find a comprehensive article that addresses the issue from a historical and/or anthropological standpoint (but i'm sure they're out there somewhere); for now, I'll comfort myself (and, perhaps you) with an article a friend recently sent me the general topic of teen sex education, which reawakened my interest in the subject.

I've pasted the article here, and I strongly agree that the central question this author asks needs to be addressed: what is healthy sexual activity for a teenager?

When teen sex education goes too far
By Ellen Goodman February 24, 2006

SOME YEARS AGO, Rolling Stone magazine published a survey on the attitudes of baby boomer parents. The gist of it was that the people who had gone through the sexual revolution did everything, regretted nothing, and wanted their children to do none of it.
This didn't surprise me. Nothing changes your perspective as much as becoming a parent, and the first order of child-raising is protection. I remember Hillary Clinton's wry sexual advice back when she was first lady and the mother of a teenager: ''My theory is don't do it before you're 21, and then don't tell me about it."

Today parents of teens, boomers, and Gen-Xers alike are often whiplashed by the culture. With one eye, they watch the media sexualizing younger and younger children. With the other, they read the blinking warning signals of danger, from pregnancy to disease to AIDS.

In the midst of this, the loudest promises of protection have come from those pushing an abstinence-only education for schoolchildren that, in effect, is fear-of-sex education. And now we have another product from the protection racketeers: the notion that any and all sexual activity by teenagers should be treated as sexual abuse.

Welcome, Auntie Em, to Kansas.

As I write this, the citizens of the prototypically red state are awaiting a judge's verdict on one of the more bizarre cases to make its R-rated way into the public eye. Kansas is one of 12 states in which underage sex -- under 16 in this case -- is a crime even when it involves teenage peers. In 2003, state Attorney General Phill Kline, a bandstanding prolifer, interpreted that law to require doctors, educators, counselors, and healthcare workers to report virtually all sexual activity by those under 16 to the state.

The Kline Theory goes something like this: If sexual activity between teens is illegal, there's no such thing as consensual sex, and thus every act is harmful. These acts, by the way, include ''any lewd fondling or touching of the person . . . with the intent to arouse or satisfy the sexual desires." In short, healthcare workers have to rat on 15-year-old sexual criminals who are lustily and mutually ''abusing" each other in the back seat of a Toyota.

The healthcare workers sued, and the recent trial produced some pretty odd exchanges. When lawyer Bonnie Scott Jones of the Center for Reproductive Rights put Kline on the stand, she asked if anything beyond kissing was acceptable. Is oral sex performed by a boy a reportable crime? Yes, said Kline. Oral sex performed by a girl? ''I'm not certain," he said.

There was also the testimony of Dr. Elizabeth Shadigian, best known as a stalwart of the abortion-gives-you-breast-cancer misinformation campaign. She said that teenage girls are always the victims of sexual activity because ''there's always a power differential between a boy and a girl." When girls have sex, they aren't doing, she said, ''they have been done to."

Frankly, I hadn't heard this argument since the late Andrea Dworkin maintained that all intercourse was rape. Radical feminism meets the radical right in the Puritan revival.

I assume that Kline's real purpose in mandating reports is to scare teens away from birth control and abortion clinics. If Kansas actually believed that all under-16 sex was harmful, why would it allow 13-year-olds to marry? But the most sensible remark came from the exasperated Judge J. Thomas Marten who insistently asked the state: ''Where is the clear, credible evidence that underage sex is always injurious?"

This is what passes for a radical question these days. In defense against a culture that is sexually provocative, the dominant messages are sexually overprotective: They run the gamut from ''just say no" to ''just say not now." The focus today is on unhealthy sexual activity. It's become virtually taboo to even ask: What is healthy sexual activity for a teenager?

In Kansas, instead of homing in on real sexual abuse of children, they are redefining all underage sex as abuse. As for the notion that girls are invariably victims of sex, unable to consent to ''lewd fondling": Do we want to return to those wonderful yesteryears when women were supposed to be sexually inert until their wedding night when they magically became eager sexual partners?

Phill Kline has produced the ''Reefer Madness" of teenage sexuality. I can only hope that the judge overturns the idea that health workers and educators have to report petting as if it were pedophilia.

In the meantime, worried parents need to explore what we wish, as well as what we fear for our children. We need guides as we navigate the tricky shoals of adolescent sexuality between panic and protection. Let's begin with the simple edict: We're not in Kansas anymore.

"An Art we Explore with Mystery and Integrity"

2006-02-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

"Chocolate is sacred. There is an art to the alchemy of flavor infusion, an art we explore with mystery and integrity." (Dagoba organic chocolate bar wrapper)

Imprecise statements of this sort beg the questions: what is it that draws people to this kind of language? Is chocolate sacred? Can the noun "mystery" be used to modify the action "explore?" And, most importantly, what's so unorganic or unnatural about our everyday vernacular?

In the following paragraphs, I will attempt to translate the aforementioned claim into plain English.

"Chocolate is sacred"

This one's a no-brainer; after visiting chocolate museums from Belgium to Barcelona, I know that the ancient Incas, Mayans, and Aztecs used chocolate for religious ceremonies (although it's worth mentioning that the waxy substance we consider "chocolate" is far from what they actually consumed at the time).

"There is an art to the alchemy of flavor infusion"

According to dictionary.com, the word "art" has 16 potential meanings. I can safely assume the wise chocolate-package-writers at "Dagoba" were referring to this definition: "High quality of conception or execution."

Simple enough; there's a high quality way to do the "alchemy of flavor infusion." So, what does "alchemy" mean? Dictionary.com gives us two potential definitions:

1. A medieval chemical philosophy having as its asserted aims the transmutation of base metals into gold, the discovery of the panacea, and the preparation of the elixir of longevity.
2. A seemingly magical power or process of transmuting: "He wondered by what alchemy it was changed, so that what sickened him one hour, maddened him with hunger the next" (Marjorie K. Rawlings).

I'm guessing that the statement is indended to conjur up images of the first definition in the reader; suddenly, chocolate becomes more than a tasty dessert or indulgence...it can be not only sacred, but perhaps hold the key to the elixir of life!

However, they most likely meant the second definition in the literal sense. Thus, "There is an art to the alchemy of" translated into plain language likely means, "There is a high quality process of changing."

So, what is "flavor infusion?" Technically, an "infusion" is "something introduced," and a flavor is a "distinctive taste." Thus, the first half of the second sentence can be translated to mean: "There is a high quality way to go about introducing a distinctive taste," or even more colloqually, "There's a good way to make something tasty."

"An Art we explore with mystery and integrity"

While the above claims may feel overstated upon scrutiny, they nevertheless make some basic logical sense. However, this ending really makes me question my grasp of the English language.
Using our above definition of "art," we can continue to finish our translation by saying, "There is a high quality way to go about introducing a distinctive taste, a high quality way we explore with mystery and integrity."

The first major question I had upon first reading this statement was: can something be explored with mystery? Let's take it step by step: "explore" means, "To investigate systematically; examine," as in, "explore every possibility" (thanks again, dictionary.com).

So, Dagoba systematically investigates how to go about introducing a distinctive taste in a very high quality way; this makes sense. But can they be said to partake in this investigation "with mystery?" Integrity makes sense; integrity can mean morally sound and/or unimpaired, so you can go about the investigation in a morally sound and unimpaired way.

But mystery? The word "mystery" means, "something that is not fully understood or that baffles or eludes the understanding." Although both "mystery" and "integrity" are nouns, it just doesn't make logical sense that one could investigate how to introduce a distinctive taste in a very high quality way, one which is also morally sound and unimpaired, but is also not fully understood or that baffles the mind.

Just taking the three words, "explore with mystery," I'm hard pressed to figure out a clear way to dilute what specifically i'm supposed to be concluding here. This is the part of the statement that makes me question the vagueness of this kind of writing; is there some sort of value judgement connoted by it? Are mysterious explorations more enticing for some reason?

I love that life has some mystery; heaven forbid we humans become predictable! Yet, is this quality required for me to enjoy my chocolate bar? I'd go so far as to argue that I want the process of finding the best flavors to infuse into my chocolate to have as little to do with mystery as possible!

Anyway, the point isn't that this statement is "bad" or unuseful, but that the process of distilling the fluffy language surrounding many products (particularly those of the "natural" or "organic" variety) can be revealing. Often, what the claim leads us to conclude is far more interesting and enticing than what it is, literally, saying.

Of course, I'm not going to say I'm "beyond" the power of such statements; after all, it was me who purchased the bar in the first place!

Doctors are to patients as Hospital Maintenance Staff are to...

2006-02-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

Doctors!

(is the answer to the above analogy)

This idea has occurred to me repeatedly while I've worked at the University of Washington Medical Center's Operations & Maintenance department: while the doctor's job is to "fix" the person, the Maintenance workers "fix" the physical body of the hospital (plumbing, heating/ventilation systems, lighting, carpentry, and other various utilities).

I wonder whether this analogy occurrs to the docs/nurses who call our department, expecting immediate answers and treatments...just as they must tell patients to wait for test results or for available appointments, we at Ops & Maintenance tell the nurses and docs to wait their turn for their maintenance work to be done!

I recognize the slight tone of panic and frustration due to a lack of control in the nurses who call us to request work to be done, and I am reminded of my own experiences with not knowing how to "fix" my own body as a patient. I believe it's even harder for people accustomed to the caregiving and "helping" role to wait around for someone else to help.

Back to the analogy: I never thought of buildings this way before working in the Ops & Maintenance Department of the hospital, but they really are like living beings themselves (heating and air ventilation systems being analagous to lungs, plumbing systems being analagous to the kidneys/urinary tract...or would they be the capillaries?), although I can't quite decide what part of the hospital would be the "brain" (perhaps the people working within it, to guide it's activities? or is the hospital really more like a cell, with the humans being the nuclei? or, nowadays, would computers be the nuclei? if a light bulb burns out, is it really an instance of "equiptment failure?" is there a God?)...

Before I lose myself in abstract-land (so much fun!), I'll end my sentiment here; i'm tempted to get on a soapbox and expound upon how vital maintenance workers are (despite their relative lack of respect compared to doctors), but I'll allow my aforementioned thoughts to lead readers to whatever conclusions they wish to draw (and, yes, i understand i'm being wildly optimistic by referring to those who might peek at my blog as "readerS" rather than "reader," the singular tense referring, of course, to my mom).

Love is Easy, Relationships are Hard

2006-02-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

This subject has come up repeatedly in my life recently, so here are my 5 cents:

I love love! Love is so easy, because it simply arises. It occurs despite all potential negative traitsl; you love someone despite the fact that they snore, or that they are stubborn, or have bad breath in the morning...

Although through time it may becomes work to overlook the small things, in general I seldom question my love for close family members, friends, and relationship partners.

Romantic relationships, however...ay me! They are actively created by us imperfect folks, and have to do with so much more than love: timing, compatibility, communication styles, changes through time, and so much more...timing's been a biggie for me lately.

Love is so perfect, so transcendent, and so powerful that we often wish to will love into being strong enough to make a romantic relationship work. For many, of course it can! One may have an idea for the timeline of one's life (get married at age x, get job y at age z) and then completely change priorities once they meet their furture wife/husband due to the strength of that love (you'll notice i'm not even bothering to define platonic love versus romantic love, etc...it's just too late at night for me to do that!).

However, from my observations and personal experience, during one's mid-20s external life issues (timing, vocational questions, & existential angst, for example), which all feed into the creation of the relationship, can overwhelm the love to the point where love's simply not enough.

I don't know where I'm going with this; I suppose I observe confusion after break-ups which has to do with a confluence of the concepts of "love" and "relationships." When things don't work out in a relationship, people sometimes question the validity or strength of their love. However, especially at my stage in life (mid-20s) I often see it as reflecting a problem with the relationship. I suppose my main point is that separating the two can be useful!

The Many Musical Moods of Me

2006-02-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Recently, my friendly coworker (Ryan) asked me to name my top 5 albums...of course, being me, I refused to give him a straight answer, arguing that musical preference was too contextual to lend itself to static preference lists.

He retorted that my answer was a cop-out (blasphemy!), and after a brief discussion I agreed to do my best at ordering which music I liked the most at this particular point in my life...I still couldn't resist putting things into contextual categories at the bottom, but I was surprised at how easy it was to look across genre and mood and pick which I thought was the "best!"

Small side-note: 4 of my top 5 albums were given to me by good friends rather than being chosen by my own idea of what i'd like...I should learn from this for the future!

Favorite Albums

#1) "Texas Flood," Stevie Ray Vaugn with Double Trouble
#2) "Live in Australia with the Melbourne International Orchestra," Elton John
#3) "Automatic for the people," R.E.M.
#4) Gypsy Kings (not sure albums, friends just gave me mp3s from various)
#5) Parachute (Guster)
(runner up: Ray Soundtrack)

Favorite Songs

#1) "Texas Flood" Stevie Ray Vaugn (Texas Flood)
#2) "Nightswimming" REM, (Best in Time)
#3) "A Mi Manera"/"Caminando Por la Calle" Gypsy Kings
#4) "The Greatest Discovery" Elton John (Live in Australia)
#5) "Parachute," Guster (Parachute)
(runners up: "Ice Cream Man," Tom Waits, (Closing Time) and "Maryland," Vonda Sheppard)

Songs to fit my moods:

Happy songs to wake up to in the morning:

1) "ABC," Jackson 5
2) "Hallelujah, I just love her so" (Ray Charles)
3) "My Girl," The Temptations
4) "Walking on Broken Glass," Annie Lenox
5) "King of Wishful Thinking" ("Pretty Woman" soundtrack, group: Go West))

Good summer songs, or car songs

1) "Hound Dog," Elvis (and 97.3 KBSG oldies radio!)
2) "Bubble Toes" Jack Johnson, live version (original from 'Brushfire Fairytales')
3) "Cheek to Cheek" Eva Cassidy (Live at Blues Alley)
4) "She said Yes" Chad Brock (Yes!)
5) "Come on Over" Christina Aguilera (Christina)

When I'm in the zone, doing artistic stuff/writing

1) "Nightswimming" REM (Automatic for the People)
2) "Maryland" Vonda Sheppard (Travel the World With Putumayo)
3) "The Four Seasons," Antonio Vivaldi (performed by the Cambridge Chamber Orchestra)
4) "Apple tree," Erykah Badu
5) "Let's call the whole thing off," Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald (Best of " ")

Sad/extremely chilled out

1) "Georgia on my Mind"/"Hard Times" Ray Charles, live version (Ray Soundtrack)
2) "Parachute" Guster (Parachute)
3) "Split Screen Sadness," John Mayer (Heavier Things)
4) "Jolene," Ray LaMontagne (Trouble)
5) "F-stop Blues," Jack Johnson, "Brushfire Fairytales)
6) "Blue Avenue," Elton John (Sleeping with the Past)
7) "Landslide," Fleetwood Mac

Manic music, to pump me up on the way to go "out"

1) "Hey Ya"/"Rosa Parks" Outkast (Speakerboxxx, The Love Below)
2) "Travelllin' South," Albert Collins (Big Blues Extravaganza, The Best of Austin City Limits)
3) "Lovers of Light," Afro-Celt Sound System (Volume 2)
4) "Ants Marching," Dave Matthews Band (Under the Table and Dreaming)
5) "Estoy Aqui," Shakira

I implore you: think in Correlations!

2006-01-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

In high school biology classes, my teacher urged us to identify our "A-ha" moments; those times when a concept would suddenly click and forever changed the way you saw the world.

For me, one such moment was during my first dissection; putting my forcept down the frog's throat, into the espohagus and through the stomach, I realized for the first time that bodies do not contain bundles of random organs floating around; they're all connected, it makes sense, and furthermore the understanding of it's workings lies within my own grasp.

During my college education, one of my top "A-ha" moments occurred in a Psychology Statistics course, as well as philosophy and other psychology courses). The idea: "Correlation is not causation."

Let's define our terms. Causation is much like it sounds: the phenomenon where one item brings forth another. It seems simple, right? Eating causes satiety; kicking the ball causes the ball to move away from you; etc etc (assuming, of course, you don't take Kant's stance, which would mean you believe we NEVER know with certainty that anything causes another thing; for you people, my whole discussion will be useless!)."

Correlation," in contrast, simply refers to the phoenomenon where two things tend to occur at the same time, or in the same place. Lightbulbs are correlated with lamps, intaking more calories than you output is correlated with weight gain, umbrellas are correlated with rain, etc.

It sounds simple as well, right? No one would ever argue that umbrellas cause rain, or that a lack of a cast causes a foot to be broken, and yet...Causation and correlation are chronically confused, well, everywhere in life, from the editorial page of the newspaper to the sports locker room to the corporate board meeting.

How can this be, when it seems so obvious in the above examples? It's because when we move away from descriptions of physical items, it's very hard to identify which situations involve causality and which involve correlation.

The "null hypothesis," or the general assumption one should make, is that phenomena are correlated rather than caused. Yet, I often observe the exact opposite when I'm reading/hearing the news or even listening to people describe events in their own lives: for whatever reason, our minds seem to want to attribute causes rather than seeing correlations.

For example: a well-known correlation in the USA today is that of race and violent crime. Minority status is positively correlated with violent crime (meaning violent crimes are perpetrated more by minorities than their non-minority counterparts), but from that statistic should/can we conclude that minority status causes one to commit violent crimes?

Absolutely not, because the two items are linked by a third, more important factor: socioeconomic status. The phenomenon where two items are said to be caused by each other but are really linked by a third cause is called the "Neglect of Common Cause" or "Joint Effect."

The cool thing is, with statistical methodology cause and effect can often be teased apart (although I'll refrain from going into the math right now because, frankly, it's a Sunday morning and doing math on a Sunday morning is just wrong!).

However, it's important to remember that in many cases we can't tease apart causality from correlation because the only way to do so would be to take two identical things (let's use people, because that's the most interesting for me) and expose them to identical environments except for one distinguishing factor.

For example, the most perfect way to test whether sugar intake really does make kids more hyperactive would, in the ideal world, take two identical people who had been exposed to the same environmental forces their whole lives (which really isn't possible because conditions starting in the womb are never the same for both twin) and one day decide to solely change whether one would be exposed to sugar and the other not, and then measure hyperactivity (which you'd need an operational definition of).

Of course, this isn't possible, so researchers get around this by "random sampling." The idea is that you minimize the effects of potential environmental differences (such as whether a child in a sugar-hyperactivity study had eaten sugary cereal the morning of the test) by randomly choose a group of subjects (your "sample") chosen entirely by chance. By random sampling, you're equally likely to have a child who's eaten sugary cereal (which could be a "confounding factor," or something that gets in the way of establishing a link) in each group.

So, why am I babbling so much about this? Because when we're going about our daily lives, making causal attributions all day (anything from "I'm in a bad mood because I'm pre-menstrual" to "the Chinese economy is doing well because a certain politician is in power") we simply can't establish causation.

I wouldn't be writing about it if I thought it was simply an academic problem. It's an enormous social problem because in explaining things in simple terms of causation, we can be lulled into a sense of complacency and simplicity about our fellow humans, particularly those of groups different to us. I won't go into it now, but psych studies have found that people think more deeply about alternate causes for negative behavior about people from an "in-group" than an "out-group."

So, if I'm reacting to a recent finding that women in their 20s are (and i'm just making this up) less likely to cooperate with peers than men of the same age, I will probably consider alternate explanations almost reflexively. However, if the opposite claim is made, I might simply shrug and say, "Men...what can you do?" (As a fun side note, the opposite also happens, in that we often blindly accept positive claims about our "in-group" but think of alternate explanations for positive claims about an "out-group.")

This particular example doesn't necessarily have huge reprocussions, but what about when we take examples of ethnic groups and religions? Assuming the above principle is true, if a friend or trusted source explains someone's negative trait by their membership in, say, the Islamic faith, we are generally less likely to persue alternate explanations (such as that the trait is just part of their individual personality, or comes from their job, or their association with another friend).

The basic idea I'm getting at is that when we're explaining phenomena in the world around us, whether it's as personal as a sibling's sudden warmth ("do they want something from me? do they have an illness which is making them suddenly see the world in perspective? is it because they are happy in their relationship?") or as broad as a nation's obesidy epidemic ("is it from lack of exercise? fast food? changing ideal body types?"), it's not only more useful to think in correlations, it's simply more true.

To end, I'd like to provide an example of when this is done particularly well; not surprisingly, it's from "The Economist." I was very skeptical when I started the article, but it provides a good example of when considering the correlation v causation problem is done well: http://www.economist.com/finance/displaystory.cfm?story_id=5327652&tranMode=none

Further evidence of former claim...

2006-01-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

I rest my case.

Cutest human being EVER!

I hope my kids look like my baby sis some day!

My sister is the cutest being on the planet

2006-01-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

ok, so I'm working on a slideshow for my sister's upcoming wedding, and I'm having a total blast looking at the old pictures of her...have you EVER seen such an adorable child? I wish I could have her back at that age and play with her for a day!

Do you like?

2006-01-11T17:11:00.000-08:00

I'm considering purchasing a pair of glasses like this - what do you think? My glasses now are very thin and small with a frameless bottom and thin black frame on the top. I would like glasses that have a bit more substance, but that don't overwhelm my face, if that makes sense! I know i'm making a funny face, but this is the only pic that turned out well - please let me know if you think i should invest in glasses like these (my current ones are also bothering me because they are too light and don't stay on my face correctly).

Sorry this post is so self-absorbed, hehe!

Ask and ye shall receive...a good cell phone plan!?!

2006-01-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

Real quick, as I'm trying to make a 10:00 bedtime (thus furthering my endeavor to become a grandma by the time I'm 28 ): tonight I witnessed a truly amazing human interaction.

The interaction occurred over cell phone and consisted of Suraj ("concerned boyfriend," as he put it) and a Sprint PCS operator. The subject: a ridiculously complicated and seemingly illogical phone bill (exacerbated by a confusion over what happened to my plan once I got off of the "vacation plan" while i was in Europe - I thought i continued my old one, while my bill reflected not only a more expensive plan, but i was being charged in advance for the January1-30 period!).

Anyway, the point isn't to bore you with the details of my cell phone plan. The point is that Suraj basically told the person on the phone about the confusion, was assertive and confident, constantly clarified what was going on and made sure the Sprint employee knew what he wanted, and in the end he GOT what he wanted!

I think when I talk on the phone, even to complete strangers or people who don't have my best interests at heart, I still feel this absolutely crazy desire to please them or be "nice." Why is this? I've seen over and over again how far being assertive can get you - my mom constantly got upgrades on things growing up, and when I answered the phones at the Ops and Maintenance at the hospital I observed how the annoying, pestering people often got their ways over the passive, "nice" ones.

I must keep this in mind in the future!

Sports and cameras

2006-01-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

While watching the INCREDIBLY EXCITING Rose Bowl/National Title match tonight between USC and UT, I wondered for about the one-millionth time why it's necessary for SO many photographers to spill over near the end zone.

While Vince Young rolled in for yet another thrilling touch down, I'm embarassed to admit that I found my gaze shift to focus on the throng of 2-foot long lenses carving his path like clunky giraffes in high heels!

Why can't all the news outlets just pay 5 or 6 extraordinarily awesome camera-people for their images? They all end up looking the same, anyway, right?

On a different note, it's often disturbing how the players often are barraged by cameras before they can truly share the moment with their coaches and teams. You might call me a hypocrite, but I would argue that i would get the same enjoyment if the camera were further away and i was watching the lead players celebrate with each other rather than cheezing it up with ESPN!

Of course, to play devil's advocate with myself, one could argue that the media can heighten one's excitement. I suppose it depends on the person. At any rate, I was majorly impressed by the poise of UT-Austin Offensive MVP Vince Young. His posture and interaction with the presenter were so loose and comfortable, and he seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself. That kind of composure is so refreshing to see!

WHAT AN AMAZING GAME!

Now, if only our country got this excited about soccer games...

Superheroes and Crooks

2006-01-03T17:08:00.000-08:00

As I stood in line at the post office today, a question arose: is it a coincidence that my ability to enjoy corrupt politicians, businessmen/women, and humans in general being brought to justice has increased in direct proportion to the number of Superhero v Evil Villain mega-movies on the market lately?

Real life, fantastically enough, with the Enron scandal and now Abramoff pleading guilty (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/01/03/abramoff.plea/ - talk about an evil villain picture, that is right out of the Pink Panther) has become more unbelievable than the movies...this has probably occurred to millions of people, but it struck a particular chord in me today.

A real quick tangent, if I may get on my soapbox for a moment: this is further proof of the universal applicability of children's stories and fables, which draw things in slightly more black and white terms than we typically expect from normal life but make us ponder questions of good versus evil (which, fantastically enough, life tends to follow at times).

Swimming

2006-01-02T14:44:00.000-08:00

So, i'm finally taking my doctor's advice and replacing running with lower impact sports like swimming and bicycling. Here's my assessment of the relative merits of these sports thus far:

Running

Pros: It's free; you can do it ANYWHERE and in most any weather; feels incredible
Cons: Pound, pound, pounding on the joints can't be good if I'd like to walk in 50 years

Swimming

Pros: Meeting nice, little old ladies in the locker room and in the lanes, thus satiating my need for community; softer on the joints; lanes allow for easy assessment of improvement
Cons: I HATE CHLORINE! CURSE YOU, AQUA SCUM! Here's a glimpse into my mind as attempt to breathe & get from one side of the lane to the other: "Breathe out through the nose, keep your chest down, oh shoot i need to breathe, get head out, aah my ear's filling with water now, don't twist your body across the lane while you turn your head up, WHAT, you call that a breath of AIR, keep head down, oh yeah keep kicking, oh shoot I need to BREATHE again!"

Bicycling

Pros: Covering vast distances with novel views; helmet and foot gear make one feel hard core; the thrill of going down a hill rarely dies; less impactful on the joints than running
Cons: Often involves some element of putting oneself near cars; annoying to store bike and take it in the car; have to work out longer for same cardio as running; hills hurt knees at times

Anyway, I pondered the relative merits of these sports while swimming at Mercer Island's Mary Wayte pool this morning. I love the learning curve when you try a new hobby - each time I swim, I feel better and better!

Here's what I learned today: a) it's helpful to think of myself working with the water, using it to my advantage, rather than just plunging through the water, and b) it feels much better if I breathe in often and remember to breathe out while i'm underwater!

I'm looking forward to more swimming, especially with the help of my pal Kate Uvelli, and cycling in the upcoming year! Tomorrow I start working at the UW Medical Center in my old office at the Operations and Maintenance Department - I can't wait!

Dances, apologies, hearts

2006-01-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

Old habits die hard...when I first started swing dancing, I used to apologize to every "lead" (usualy the male) I'd dance with. I'd joke that although it's a standard assumption that follower (usually the female) mistakes are "always the lead's fault," I could prove that adage wrong!

Of course, the leads would assure me that it was ok and that I didn't "need" to apologize. I thought they were just being nice, but after a while I noticed how distracting it could be if I constantly verbalized my mistakes! Dancing, and partner dancing in particular, are forms of communication in and of themselves; if we are not on the same page, this typically is something both people feel and attempt to counteract without words.

Anyway, tonight I danced for the second time in about 3 months, so I found my old habit of apologizing creeping up again! Of course, I don't think that people should be entirely mute while they dance, or forgo verbal communication whatsoever, so it was hard to strike a balance!

The turnaround point was when I danced with this man whom I wasn't so sure about at the beginning...he was a lot older, and that can be often be a high risk, high reward situation from what I've experienced.

I have no idea what song we were dancing to, but it was definitely "bluesey" rather than the typical swing standards I'm used to...the female vocalist had what I'd call "soul" (if I didn't think me using that word would make the word itself less cool)!

Anyway, he was obviously a very experienced dancer just from his posture and musicality, but the BEST part was that he was just so INTO the song and the dance! He was closing his eyes at times, humming along to the music, and making slight changes in gesture or posture to go along with the subtle changes in music.

I started to apologize when I got off beat for a second, but I realized something: this guy did not CARE! He was having a great time, and I could as well, so long as I gave up the idea that I had to perform each move "right."

Constantly assessing one's performance as "good" or "bad" can catapault one from the "flow state," which I discussed in a blog in October, to anxiety and other (often unnecessary) emotions. I decided to just feel the music and enjoy my time out there!

Although I enjoyed the moment, I did allow myself to burst into laughter or blurt out a sorry upon making particularly noticeable mistakes, such as stepping on the lead's foot or flailing my arms around like a penguin; at times, these can actually bond the lead and follow, because the physical connection has already been broken in some way. By laughing, you sort of reset, and go out on the floor again.

Being at the Century Ballroom brought back memories not just of swing but of dancing Salsa as well...Suraj and I went there on our 4th date EVER as well as many subsequent dates! I can't wait for him to get back from Aruba in a week, he's been gone far too long in San Fransisco, NYC and the Caribbean. I regret the times I was uptight when we danced; I hope I can remember the lesson from tonight and let loose even MORE than I normally do!

How do we evolve preferences?

2005-12-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

So, a few weeks ago Suraj and I decided we wanted to do a comprehensive search for the best Christmas music. We used his music downloader, where he orders single MP3s for mere pennies - the best part, to me, was that we got to preview each song before deciding to order it!

As we created our personalized album, I realized that just 10 years ago, this sorting process never would have been possible. You had to basically choose your album based on songs you heard on the radio, from friends, or on TV, which involved lots of hits and misses.

The general assumption, of course, is that the situation today is preferable because it is more efficient - why waste time on songs you don't like (I'm reminded of endless Mariah Carey tracks which ALL sounded the same, hehe) when you can choose just the ones that best suit your fancy? However, as I sat there listening to Boyz 2 Men's "Silent Night," I wondered whether we'd lost something in the process.

It seems as specialized technological devices continue to dominate our lives, the exposure process is more under each individual's control. I wondered how this could be a bad thing - for example, one might make an initial judgement on something like musical preferences, given whatever stiumuli one happens to be exposed to, and then continue to expose oneself to those things one originally found interesting.

I asked myself, shouldn't recognizing what you want involve a process of taking a chance on new things, which may unveil unpredictable preferences? For example, I love certain Mariah Carey songs, but don't love that particular genre as a whole; I basically like certain songs across genres for some inexplicable germ of "goodness" I perceive within them (whether they're from Tim McGraw, Louis Armstrong, George Winston, Elton John, Tom Waits, Ray Lamontagne, Beethoven, or Britney Spears).

However, like so many other technological questions, I also realized it could be a very good thing - instead of having to try, for example, book after book in order to decide upon a favored author, we can now use "Amazon.com's" function which says, "If you like (x), you may also like (x)." The book example brings up another hole in my former thought: this phenomena isn't something "new" to our era, but rather is an extension of a basic part of being human: self-selecting, or making personalized choices based on past experiences.

Like so many debates about technology and computers, I concluded that the technology wasn't inherently negative or positive; the value is evident in how one uses it.

I thought more about it and realized that perhaps what occasionally makes me uneasy the technology of our times is that it can take this process out of our hands; for example, I don't control the ads that come up when I check my gmail or search on Google.com - they are tailored to my past searches. Again, this isn't always a bad thing at all - in the aforementioned example of "Amazon.com," I can benefit greatly from this phenomenon.

The other problem I can see is when the automated tailoring technology becomes the SOLE way one determines preference. The cool and crazy thing about humans is that we can be SO unpredictable - I can LOVE one John Grisham novel and hate another, or hate another book written very similarly about a similar topic, or hate a book which a fellow lover of Grisham's particular book loves!

I suppose there isn't really much to worry about, because no matter how much we or Google or anyone else try to control our exposure to, well, everything, there will always be an element of randomness, as well as human to human influence. I'm not writing to make some sort of clear conclusions or statements, but rather I'm sort of free-associating my feelings on this topic in general.

Best of 2005: Holland

2005-12-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

I added this the other day but decided to delete the version I had (it was sepia) in favor of color! This is my aunt Carol Lynn and her two sons, Max and Marcus, in Holland. I spent many hours chatting and laughing with them!

Happy Days...

2005-12-25T01:03:00.000-08:00

Well, right now not a creature is stirring in my house except for my fingertips on this stubbornly loud keyboard, so I'm going to keep this short - I just have to say while the topic is on my mind that life is gooooood right now.

We just had my mom's side of the family over for a low-key Christmas Eve dinner (although this year we stepped it up and had a ham rather than the traditional 6-foot sub sandwich!) and, as usual, the conversations were effortless and entertaining! The older I get the more I recognize how rare this is...

The immediate family played some board games after everyone else left, after which I could not delay gratification any longer and started uploading my pictures onto the computer! I just downloaded Picasa, a picture-organizing tool from Google, which has been super fun to play around with!

Chatting with people with whom I might not have talked in a year in and of itself made me get down to the bare bones of what all has happened this year...last Christmas, I was going to return to a job I hated in Rochester, the idea for cross-cultural volunteerwork and a vague desire for exploration only abstract seeds in my mind.

Could I have possibly forseen what would come - the three months (instead of 3 weeks) in Belize, the New York to Washington State Road Trip, my first real 9-5 type office job at the UWMC and the coworker bonding that ensued? Meeting Suraj and reassessing so much of what I thought I knew and wanted from relationships? The tears, treks and tremendous generosity of my family, friends, and strangers along the way during my part-solo Europe Trip?

I've often resisted romanticizing my experiences, because people should know that travel is always full of rough spots, ambiguous situations, worries and fears, but while I looked through my pictures tonight I just felt a deep sense of wonder at all the positive experiences I've had. I decided to choose some pictures that reflected the highlights of the year - they are by NO means exhaustive, but I felt they lent themselves best to this medium.

What will I be assessing at the end of 2006? I can't wait to find out!

Best of 2005: Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

We pose outside my house right before Suraj goes to SF, NYC and Aruba for his 3-week Christmas Vacation!

Best of 2005: Family in Washington

2005-12-25T00:58:00.000-08:00

Here's the picture my family used for our Christmas card this year!

Best of 2005: Family/Istanbul

2005-12-25T00:42:00.000-08:00

I was lucky to be able to see my cousin Scott come home and reunite with his kids after being gone in Iraq for 4 weeks! Here he is with adorable Finn in Istanbul.

Best of 2005: Euro-Laughs

2005-12-25T00:32:00.000-08:00

I know most people like pictures of the beautiful cities in Europe, of which I have plenty, but I figure the most unique pictures I have are interpersonal...it's rare to capture that moment where one really "cracks up," but my Dutch friend Sara and I were lucky that her friend was there to catch us laughing about our fake smile poses!

Best of 2005: Ireland

2005-12-25T00:23:00.000-08:00

Ireland was my first stop on my 6-week trip to Europe this Fall. I really love this picture from the Cliffs of Moher - most people go for the Cliffs, which, while beautiful, provided less interest to me than the small, abandoned fortress...something about the girl on the right running towards the guy trying to take her picture really appeals to me!

Best of 2005: Professional life!

2005-12-25T00:18:00.000-08:00

I was so lucky to get a temporary job at the University of Washington Medical Center with the "Operations and Maintenance" team - we not only entered a Kickball tournament, we also had a team at the local "Heart Walk!" Dale, who's pictured third from the left, is the official party planner for the group...

Best of 2005: Suraj/NYC

2005-12-25T00:12:00.000-08:00

Meeting Suraj in July was definitely a "best of 2005" in and of itself! We set this shot up completely on impulse while walking through Central Park during a long weekend in NYC. We set the camera to "auto-take," balancing it on a bench with his wallet - we were so happy with how it turned out!

Best of 2005: Wedding Madness

2005-12-25T00:09:00.000-08:00

8 Lovely Bridesmaids surround our blushing bride after the wedding - the official photographer broke his leg on the way to the wedding, so we cherish our digital pics from the event!

Best of 2005: Engagement!

2005-12-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

Here's my sister Michelle after her fiancee Kevin proposed this July!

Best of 2005: Olympic Peninsula

2005-12-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Chris VonderGruen and I spent some time after he got back from Afghanistan (and before the wedding!) exploring Washington's outstanding Olympic Peninsula - here he is taking a water break at Hurricane Ridge!

Best of 2005: Road Trip USA

2005-12-24T23:53:00.000-08:00

Here's my lovely sis, Michelle, at South Dakota's Badlands...DEFINITELY a highlight of my cross-country road trip!

Best of 2005: Belize

2005-12-24T23:49:00.000-08:00

This is from the Cockscomb Basin Jaguar Reserve, a beautiful national park where we camped; the people in the picture are Jose, a local friend, and Heather, a fellow volunteer (from Canada).

Best of 2005: Belize

2005-12-24T23:46:00.000-08:00

This is a great picture of two of my best buddies in Belize: Robin and Leuren. I worked with Leuren (on the right) with Physical Therapy exercises and homework 2-3 times a week for 2 months, and it was always the highlight of my week - despite his physical issues, he was totally tenacious and positive!

Best of 2005...Wedding!

2005-12-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

I promised in an earlier post that I'd put a pic up of Shan and Chris from their wedding this summer, so here it is! It, along with the ones I put earlier, has inspired me to choose some from my library as the Best of 2005!